James Allen HanrahanJames Allen Hanrahan

By James Hanrahan

3 Ways Men See Relationship Questions Differently

When you meet a guy, you can tell almost instantly that he’s thinking differently than you. As a dating and relationship coach for women and men, you can only imagine how different the relationship questions are.
Understanding men is an art which few women take the time to do; understanding women… Well for men, that’s almost impossible .but it’s well worth the effort
With that in mind, here are the three top “relationship questions” men and women ask me daily, that are keeping them mystified by each other unnecessarily.
1. Will it last?
A perennial favorite for women and a sheer terror for men. The difference is, women are painfully aware of the possibility of wasting their time.
Men on the other hand, often woefully overestimate their ability to make a relationship last, focusing on the moment, and many times defaulting to a “we’ll see how it goes” mentality.
Every relationship needs a plan and a purpose. With a goal in mind, it becomes possible to enjoy the moment together.
2. What’s next?
In fairness to men, and perhaps not to women, not a day goes by that a female client doesn’t say to me subconsciously, “that was great and I’m glad he did it, but what’s next?”
I am consistently encouraging my female clients to “savor the moment” along the way.” This is in direct contrast to my male clients who often, all they do is savor the moment.
Men are often more methodical and take a step-by-step approach going from A-to-B. Meaning if A works out I’ll go to B.
Women often go from A-to-Z Skipping crucial steps that men need to demonstrate along the way. If a man hasn’t demonstrated he can keep simple agreements; like calling when he says he’s going to. How will he be able to keep more complex agreements?
3. Is it serious?
This question is perhaps the one with the sharpest contrast of all. For men the first question is; is it fun to be with her? And for a man, this is a serious question.
Without this first component, it is impossible for them to consider being serious about the relationship.
This may seem like a frivolous question, but is it? If you don’t enjoy being with someone what is the point?
Men and women balance each other out in a relationship, in a way only they can, to help each other grow.
For women, “will it last?” Is a fair relationship question to ask yourself first, to make sure the man you’re considering is qualified for your relationship goal.
“What’s next?” May take you out of the moment, and rob you of the opportunity to get close to your man in the present.
Ironically, men are often more serious than they appear. Their step-by-step approach often gives you time to evaluate, consider, and reflect on what will be the biggest decision of your life.
Although men may often see relationship questions differently, it doesn’t mean that they don’t hear you and take them to heart.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for strong women and men based in Los Angeles. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success and tired of dating the wrong guys, connect with him via his calendar link here to make finding time to speak with him easy.

By James Hanrahan

The BEST Time To Ask Where’s This Relationship Going

It’s the hardest question to ask, yet if you don’t know the answer to it, it’s the most unnerving. You may be waiting for the right time however when is the right time?

There are three moments where it’s imperative that you ask. Let’s look at these three moments and when is, the best time to ask where’s this relationship going?

1. Before it gets going. This is by far the best time to ask because you don’t have to ask. You can require and negotiate a long-term plan before you get into the relationship.

In fact the reason you don’t know where the relationship is going is because you didn’t talk about it and agree to where the relationship is going before you got started.

2. Its been a year. Men are all about momentum. If its been a year and you haven’t heard anything, you’re losing momentum.

Men don’t suddenly wake up one morning and decide they want to get married. They have to be concerned about losing you.

If it’s been a year, say; “I’ve really enjoyed our year together of dating however I feel uncomfortable, I don’t want to date without a long-term plan what do you think?

Then listen intently because you’re about to get your answer.

I’m not saying you’re not going to meet resistance. You have to be comfortable with that, because if you really want to have a relationship you have to be willing to risk losing it.

3. You don’t feel good about it. This can happen at any time but it usually happens when it’s been too long.

The body doesn’t lie, if your instincts are telling you something is off. You need to talk about it.

Remember you can negotiate or renegotiate anytime even if you’ve never talked about it. However you may have to take your cards off the table.

A man isn’t going to negotiate with you if he’s already getting everything he wants for free. I.e. sex.

Say; “I really like you and I have enjoyed our time together however I’ve made a mistake. I had intercourse with you without knowing what our long-term plan is and I don’t feel comfortable with that. What do you think?”

A man who cares about how you feel will take your feelings into consideration. He will come up with a plan to alleviate you’re uncomfortable feelings that you both can agree on.

A relationship is a series of kept agreements. Relationships are built on the bad days, not the good days. Uncomfortable conversations only happen with people who love you.

The best time to have a conversation about where the relationship is going is before the relationship gets going.

The next is, if it’s been a year and you’re losing momentum.

The last is when you don’t feel good about it and your body wants clarity because the uncertainty is turning you off.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for SMART women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re an Alpha woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of information in Dating Advice for Alpha Women.

3 Ways Men See Relationship Questions Differently
The BEST Time To Ask Where’s This Relationship Going