James Allen HanrahanJames Allen Hanrahan
12
May, 2022

By James Hanrahan

The 3 Walls of Intimacy In Modern Relationships

If the walls are up, maybe it’s time to take them down.
Perhaps, you’re finding it’s becoming harder and harder to get into and maintain a relationship. You might even be saying to yourself “why even bother.”
With ghosting, texting, and swiping to name a few, there seems to be endless walls and obstacles to meeting someone for a relationship and to create intimacy.
Before you start to cash in your chips and give up hope. Let’s consider three walls to intimacy, and how to overcome them for lasting-love.

1. The Wall of Chemistry

One of the biggest challenges with chemistry, is you don’t know you have it until you meet someone in person.
No matter how hard you swipe or text, relationships and chemistry are built primarily in person.
You’re going to need to get within roughly 30 inches of someone to pick up their pheromones.
Then your body will decide if they are a match for you. We all know what a game of duck, duck, goose this is. However, from an evolutionarily perspective it works.
Life is too short to live without chemistry. If you want to overcome this wall, you’re going to have to go out and meet people in person, and let chemistry do its job.

2. The Wall of Compatibility

If you’re fortunate enough to meet someone you have chemistry with, obviously the challenge is not over yet.
Now we have to see if you’re compatible. Compatibility at the simplest level means you like each other.
Chemistry means your bodies like each other, compatibility means you like each other on a fundamental, foundation of friendship as human beings.
Some of the basics will be, but are not exclusive to, you have similar interests and hobbies, you live relatively close by to each other, you have similar levels of time to commit to relationships.
I encourage you not to underestimate the importance of proximity. Can you have long distance relationships?
Of course, if you both agree to it. But, remember even so, relationships are built primarily in person.

3. The Wall of Communication

One of the foundations of communication is the ability to negotiate.
Perhaps the biggest wall we are currently facing is the challenge to find people who are willing to make and keep agreements with the goal to become a team.
Start by striking up a conversation. Two of our most basic and underestimated human needs are to be heard and to be known.
Once the ball gets rolling, the next hurdle will be, being able to ask for what you want, and saying no to what you don’t want.
This is where you find out if you’re with somebody who wants to negotiate and build intimacy with you, or just wants to play with you.
There’s no judgment, it’s just finding out if you’re both looking for the same thing.
With that in mind…
Chemistry is great, it’s a gift. However for the goal of Intimacy, take your time and see if you can build a foundation of friendship.
Compatibility means your lives actually fit together, be careful not to try to fit a square peg into a round hole because of chemistry.
Communication Is what makes relationships breathe. Intimacy is experienced by people who are willing to negotiate for what they want, and for what they don’t want. They are able to make and keep agreements.
Avoid passive-aggressive people they make agreements, they just don’t keep them.
The walls to intimacy are many, but they’re worth climbing. Look for chemistry, compatibility, and communication. Make sure you have all three. Use them as the cornerstones for your future, love, relationship, and intimacy.
Learn more by reading these books, “A Life of Love” and “Dating Advice for Alpha Women” on Amazon or, by visiting my website at jamesallenhanrahan.com
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18
Dec, 2020

By James Hanrahan

The Real Reason Why Men Aren’t Falling In Love Anymore

When is the last time you received a love letter from a guy? The problem is many men are not falling in love anymore.

Will, they hit you up? Absolutely. Will they stay with you? Well, that’s becoming a problem.

With that in mind, here is the real reason why men aren’t falling in love and what to do about it. This knowledge will be a game-changer for your love life.

 1. Sex

Contrary to what some may believe, men do not usually fall in love when they have sex. It does not by itself create intimacy, rather it exposes whether you have it or not.

Sex revolves around initial chemistry which can go as fast as a comes. The illusion of closeness that sex can give you can mask the fact that on a deeper level you really don’t know each other.

Friendship is often best built before sex enters a relationship. In order for a man to fall in love with you, it’s helpful for him to get to know you as a human being first.

2. Time

Time gives you the opportunity to evaluate and gain insight into the man you’re dating. The journey of falling in love takes time.

Relationships are an investment of time and energy. When a man invests the time to get to know you as a human being he begins to demonstrate his character.

Men are often way ahead of themselves. They will ask you to go on trips, to have sex, and to become their girlfriend way before they’re ready.

Slowing a man down is one of the best ways to give him the opportunity to fall in love with you. Encourage his enthusiasm, but slow down his speed.

3. Friendship 

We are often lead to believe that friendship and love are two entirely different things. But are they? Can a man truly love you if he has not befriended you?

Friendship demonstrates the character of the man you’re with. Does he make and keep his agreements? Does he demonstrate integrity in all aspects of his life? Does he treat you with concern, and care about your feelings?

When we underestimate the importance of falling in love with someone who demonstrates friendship we’re often shocked when they leave abruptly.

It’s usually not a lack of chemistry that ends a poorly conceived relationship, it’s a lack of friendship. Character is the lasting quality to look for, it’s demonstrated in a friendship and in a lover.

Sex in itself will not give you intimacy. In fact, people often avoid intimacy by having sex.

Time is what gives a man a runway to fall in love with you. When you understand this, it will change the trajectory of your love life.

Friendship is one of the biggest clues you’re falling in love with the right person. If you’re continually doubting the character and trustworthiness of a man you’re with, you’re usually with the wrong man.

Men fall in love when you require them to take the time to get to know you and building a friendship with you. Friendship is foundational to your well-being and it’s the real reason that without it, men are not falling in love anymore.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for strong women based in Los Angeles who offers a free Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, and tired of dating the wrong guys, connect with him via his calendar link to make finding time easy.

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15
Dec, 2020

By James Hanrahan

3 Secrets Why Courtship Gets The Guy

In some ways, it’s never been easier to get a guy. A few swipes right and the parade appears. At the same time, disappearing acts have never been more prevalent. What’s a girl to do?

Getting a guy long-term requires a different strategy. It takes one that’s been proven for thousands of years.

With that in mind, here are 3 proven secrets of courtship used for centuries, that will help you not only to get a guy but keep him.

1 Time

In a world of instant gratification time is often the last thing we think of. However, courtship is a test of time and you can use it to your advantage.

One of the secrets to getting a guy and keeping him is to add the element of time. This means contrary to popular belief, and for best results, you get to know him slowly.

The most valuable thing we have is time. When a man is willing to invest his time to get to know you and be with you, he’s signaling you that his intent is sincere and he cares about you as a human being.

2 Space

The second secret of courtship with men is, men require space. Any semblance of pressure from you can turn them into a major flight risk.

The essence of courtship is one person chasing the other. Men love to chase they just don’t want to be caught. Knowing this will change your strategy and allow you to be pursued.

Space gives a man the feeling that it’s his idea and he’s coming toward you. When you don’t call or text him or try to run him down, for example, an authentic courtship can begin. Remember courtship is one person chasing the other, and it usually works best when your man does the chasing.

3 Play

Never forget that courtship at its essence is playful. Seriousness at the wrong time can turn your courtship into a drama.

Flirting, dropping a handkerchief, smiling, and looking in the eyes are all playful acts, that will lead you to something more serious.

Ironically, when a man feels you have the ability to play with him, he will take you more seriously. The key to the dance is that by playing with him, he will be enticed to win you over.

Courtship is definitely a test of time, it’s like planting a seed in the ground. It takes at least a year to get to know somebody and you want to see them in all seasons.

Music is created by the space between the notes. When you give a man room, he will be inspired to come closer to you. There’s no better feeling than when your patience in this regard pays off.

Playfulness makes a man want to be with you more and more. It’s the joys and challenges in life that keep us coming back.

History is full of courtships that have stood the test of time. Use the secrets of courtship and you will be amazed at your results.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for strong women based in Los Angeles who offers a free weekly Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, and tired of dating the wrong guys, connect with him via his calendar link to make finding time easy.

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12
Dec, 2020

By James Hanrahan

3 Ways Men See Relationship Questions Differently

When you meet a guy, you can tell almost instantly that he’s thinking differently than you. As a dating and relationship coach for women and men, you can only imagine how different the relationship questions are.
Understanding men is an art which few women take the time to do; understanding women… Well for men, that’s almost impossible .but it’s well worth the effort
With that in mind, here are the three top “relationship questions” men and women ask me daily, that are keeping them mystified by each other unnecessarily.
1. Will it last?
A perennial favorite for women and a sheer terror for men. The difference is, women are painfully aware of the possibility of wasting their time.
Men on the other hand, often woefully overestimate their ability to make a relationship last, focusing on the moment, and many times defaulting to a “we’ll see how it goes” mentality.
Every relationship needs a plan and a purpose. With a goal in mind, it becomes possible to enjoy the moment together.
2. What’s next?
In fairness to men, and perhaps not to women, not a day goes by that a female client doesn’t say to me subconsciously, “that was great and I’m glad he did it, but what’s next?”
I am consistently encouraging my female clients to “savor the moment” along the way.” This is in direct contrast to my male clients who often, all they do is savor the moment.
Men are often more methodical and take a step-by-step approach going from A-to-B. Meaning if A works out I’ll go to B.
Women often go from A-to-Z Skipping crucial steps that men need to demonstrate along the way. If a man hasn’t demonstrated he can keep simple agreements; like calling when he says he’s going to. How will he be able to keep more complex agreements?
3. Is it serious?
This question is perhaps the one with the sharpest contrast of all. For men the first question is; is it fun to be with her? And for a man, this is a serious question.
Without this first component, it is impossible for them to consider being serious about the relationship.
This may seem like a frivolous question, but is it? If you don’t enjoy being with someone what is the point?
Men and women balance each other out in a relationship, in a way only they can, to help each other grow.
For women, “will it last?” Is a fair relationship question to ask yourself first, to make sure the man you’re considering is qualified for your relationship goal.
“What’s next?” May take you out of the moment, and rob you of the opportunity to get close to your man in the present.
Ironically, men are often more serious than they appear. Their step-by-step approach often gives you time to evaluate, consider, and reflect on what will be the biggest decision of your life.
Although men may often see relationship questions differently, it doesn’t mean that they don’t hear you and take them to heart.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for strong women and men based in Los Angeles. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success and tired of dating the wrong guys, connect with him via his calendar link here to make finding time to speak with him easy.
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11
Dec, 2020

By James Hanrahan

3 Things Men Want In A Lasting Relationship

When you first meet a guy, it’s hard to tell what a man wants. The sex aspect becomes apparent almost immediately, but the question becomes how is this going to turn into a lasting relationship?

Most men are not eager to jump into a committed relationship. It’s going to take some finesse. In fact, the only true way to make a man enter into a long-term relationship is to make it his idea.

With that in mind, here are three ways to catch him off guard, and put his mind at ease. Once you lower his defenses the rest will come naturally.

1. Banter

You may believe that a list of relationship questions will help you find the right man. While this may be true, this is not how most men approach relationships.

Banter is what makes a man want to spend more time with you. It catches him thinking about you and wanted to tell you more.

It’s the thread that connects your days together and it allows him to feel comfortable with you. Banter puts a man at ease with you and lets him know he can be himself.

2. Laughter

You may believe that having a serious conversation with a guy will get him to commit. While there’s a time and place for everything, leading with a serious conversation, is often a red flag for men.

Laughter is a sign you have a good feel for each other. It makes the hard days easier and the good days even better. A man wants a woman who laughs easily and forgives when necessary.

When he can count on you to see the humor in things he will become far less defensive. Laughter is what makes him see you as a true companion. Happy women are a relationship magnet to men. It keeps him coming back for more.

3. Connection

Men often talk about this fabled-word called “connection.” Probably because even though they want it, they can’t define it.

Day-to-day life and long-term relationships begin and end with connection. At our core, there are two things we desperately want, to be heard, and to be known.

Connection to a man means you get what he’s about, you understand his purpose and his passions.
A man makes you part of his life almost seamlessly. He connects you to the people and places that are important to him.

The banter gets you in the game. It makes a man feel at ease with you and makes him want more.
Laughter is a seal that’s even stronger than a kiss. It will keep you together through the hard times.

When you hear your man and take an interest in his passions and concerns, he will feel the connection, and he will want to build with you.

Relationships are a team game, and when you speak with his interests and concerns in mind, with laughter and banter along the way, he begins to feel the connection. This is what men want in a lasting relationship with you.

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04
Jun, 2019

By James Hanrahan

3 Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend To Find Out If He’s Marriage Material

Having a boyfriend is great! But sometimes you just don’t know where it’s going? You’ve been together but he hasn’t said anything about the future.

You can be wondering if there are questions you can ask your boyfriend to find out if he is marriage material?

This is a delicate subject because men typically don’t react well to these types of questions.

With this in mind, here are three questions you can ask your boyfriend to find out without him even knowing it if his marriage material.

1. You listen closely.

Before we get to the questions I have a question ask you. Have you been listening to what your boyfriend’s been saying? Does he have any plans for you to do things in the future? Have you met any of his family and friends?

The reason I ask this is that if none of these things have happened yet asking him a question to find out if he’s marriage material or not will be an act of frustration.

Any question you ask a man has to be based on what he’s already doing. If he is showing signs of future plans, this is already a sign that he is marriage material With no questions asked. But this is certainly not the end of it.
2. What do you require?
The most important question you ever have to ask is what do you require to be in a relationship with a man? The question to ask yourself before you ask him is what is it I want that I don’t have? And what is it I have that I don’t want? In this relationship.
The very reason you’re wondering what questions to ask your boyfriend to find out if his marriage material is that you never told him what it takes to be in a relationship with you.
There are three basic questions you can ask any man no matter how far along in a relationship you are or if it’s just beginning. They are foundational to any long-term relationship. And frankly, you may be surprised at the answers.
3. The 3 questions.
Hopefully, you’ve asked these questions at the beginning of your relationship, but if you’re like many of my coaching clients you haven’t.
The first question is proposed this way. “I know we’ve been together for quite a while but I made mistake and, this may seem obvious to you but, I never asked you, “do you want to be monogamous with me sexually and socially?“
Assuming his answer the first question was on point. The second question is “I really enjoy seeing each other however have you ever thought about how often you would enjoy seeing each other every week? What do you think is ideal for you?
Please remember we’re gathering information and if you don’t like the answers to the first two questions there’s no need to ask the third one.
But assuming you like where this is going. Here’s a third question and this is by far the most important question that I share with all my clients and I strongly insist that they require before they are ever starting a relationship.

But for the sake of this situation, here it is “I really enjoy being in our relationship however I made a mistake. I never asked you do you want to be in a long-term relationship and if things go well the possibility of marriage and children?”

Many of my clients balk at this particular question. It is the hardest one to ask, I know. However, if you do not ask it we will never know if a guy is wasting your time and it won’t be his fault! Because you never required a plan.

If you take nothing else away from this please before you spend any more time with a guy find out, does the guy you’re with want to build with you? Can he see a future aiming towards marriage and children? Is that what he wants? Share your vision and ask him what he thinks?
Once he starts talking listen closely. Avoid the temptation to argue with him or explain anything. To any statement he makes I want you to respond with “I understand.”

He may say things that are uncomfortable or painful for you to hear. However, if you can sit back and listen and stay firm on what you require for him to be in a relationship with you often times if you do not argue with him you will get it.

There are no guarantees but it has been my experience with my clients that it works. The reason is he doesn’t want to lose you but if there’s no risk of losing you there’s no reason for him to marry you or have a long-term plan.

What this in mind remember, 1. Listen 2. Be clear about what you require. 3. Ask him the three questions regarding monogamy, continuity, and longevity listed above.
Self-love is the ability to ask for what you want in a respectful way. Men are awakened and inspired by what you require, and the self-esteem you possess to believe you deserve it.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for strong women based in Los Angeles who offers a free Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, and tired of dating the wrong guys, connect with him via his complimentary call calendar link to make finding time easy.
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21
Jan, 2019

By James Hanrahan

3Things Your Guy Is DYING To Hear (But Might Not Know How To Ask For)

We all know that men don’t like to talk much. There may be words he is dying to hear from you but he won’t mention it. However, when he hears them they are magical.

We all want to hear kinds words And know that the people we love care about us. As a woman, you will want to know what men like to hear. It will create a special bond for your relationship.

With this in mind, Here are 3 words every man likes to hear. These words have an inspirational effect on a man. They inspire him to be a better man and want to have a relationship with you.

1. I respect you.

Perhaps no other word is more important to a man than the word respect. When you tell a man you respect him you are letting him know that you accept him as he is.

By letting him know that you respect the way he treats his family and friends. That his career and productivity in the world are things you admire, he will feel respected.
When you tell a man you respect him you inspire him to see you as an important part of his life. When you respect him, he will want to build with you. Make no mistake about it, respect is definitely a word he’s dying to hear.

2. I appreciate you.

If there’s a close second in the word categories appreciate is a strong contender. When you tell a man that you appreciate him you have struck a chord in his soul.

As simple as this may sound a man derives a large portion of his self-worth by knowing that he can make you happy. Telling a man that you appreciate him is confirmation that what he’s doing is having an affect.

You might say that appreciation to a man is what affection is to a woman. It is a way in which he feels loved. Once you trigger a man that he is appreciated he will want to spend more time with you.

3. I accept you.

In a man’s world acceptance is the key word in his life. He wants to know you accept him the way he is now. It might not be something you outright say it is more something you do.

Acceptance is expressed when you to resist the urge to change him or criticize him. Men are well aware of their faults and when they find that it’s easy to be with you and that you’re willing to work with them. A man will feel accepted.

We all want to know that it’s okay to make mistakes and not be perfect. This is the gift of acceptance you can give to a man.
The keywords a man likes to hear are, I respect you, I appreciate you, and I accept you.
Tell the man you’re with I respect what you think and what you do. Ask him questions and for his advice. The most powerful phrase you can say to a man is “What do you think?”
I appreciate you will inspire him to no end. Once he gets a taste for making you happy he’ll be hooked. Men never get tired of hearing how much you appreciated something he did.
We all want to be accepted. This is something a man will feel from you. It is a byproduct of feeling respected and appreciated. But, make no mistake about it a man wants to be accepted because acceptance for anyone is the foundation of lasting love.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for strong women based in Los Angeles who offers a free Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, and tired of dating the wrong guys, connect with him via his complimentary call calendar link to make finding time easy.
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13
Jan, 2019

By James Hanrahan

Why Guys Lose Interest In You So Quickly

If you’ve ever had a guy suddenly lose interest in you after you thought you had something going, you know how painful it can be. There’s nothing like getting the rug pulled out from underneath you.
Is it something you said or something you did? There are so many unanswered questions, and he’s long gone before you can get to the bottom of it.

With this in mind, here are 3 critical reasons why guys suddenly lose interested in you, you’re going to want to know. These will give you the skills to have successful relationships in the future.

1. You had sex too soon.
Frankly, if I’m honest this could realistically be reasons number one, two, and three.
I often patiently walk my coaching clients through this painful step-by-step process until they finally get it. Like, I’m going to do with you now.
Hooking-up and having sex with a guy too soon distracts him from getting to know you as a human being.
The number one reason why guys disappear is they perceived you as a sex object and never really got to know you as a person.
This is an easy fix. When a guy is aiming towards a hook up with you or to have sex with you too soon. Simply state the following; “I’m really attracted to you. You’re funny, charming and sexy. However, I don’t feel comfortable having sex (I’m enjoying making out with you) until I get to know you better.” “What do you think?”
Will this lower your hook-up rates? Absolutely! Will some guys argue with you and complain? Absolutely!
Will a guy who is really into you and wants to get to know you, say “he understands and is willing to get to know you better?” Yes, and that’s what we’re looking for.
You want a guy who cares about how you feel and wants to make sure you’re comfortable. He’s not in a hurry, because he’s comfortable with himself. He enjoys the challenge of winning you over. This is how we separate the mature men who want a relationship from the boys.
2. You suddenly want commitments.
To be fair, this only happens when my clients haven’t followed step one. They get upset when they have sex with a guy too soon and then the guy suddenly becomes less attentive or loses interest. They want to know what’s going on, so they ask him.
The guy for his part thinks you’re cool with hooking- up because frankly, you did. He assumes no responsibility for your feelings because it wasn’t required to sleep with you, and he’s startled when you’re upset.
Then when you ask him about commitments and whether or not he’s really into you? You get a lot of backpedaling and wishy-washy answers until you don’t see him again.
This again is a simple fix. Please use step one, and then you won’t be calling me for advice on what to do in the morning. But, if you have to, no worries, I’m there for you. It won’t be the first time I’ve talked someone of the ledge.
3. You’re not compatible.
Sometimes you’re lives just doesn’t fit together. Men are often the first to recognize this. They realize you want to be married and have children. Or, his career is going to move him out of the state or country. He just doesn’t see a future with you.
And, sometimes since he didn’t take the time to get to know you he loses interest because he’s just not that into you. This usually happens when he wasn’t invested. He hadn’t spent the time to get to know you.
There’s nothing to do about this one. It is what it is. You’re looking for the right guy, and to do that you have to get comfortable losing the wrong ones.
Please, remember rule number one. It’s really rule number two and number three. Don’t have sex too soon. Courtship is a test of time. It will greatly reduce your return and starting overrates. 
Get a guy who wants to pass this test of time and he will be much more ready to be in a relationship with you.
The time to find out if he wants a relationship is before you have sex. Asking for commitments is a much harder sell afterward. As I said, it all comes down to rule one. Require him to get to know you first.
As you get to know a guy, sometimes he will suddenly lose interest because he doesn’t see the point in having a conversation about things that you are not compatible on.  He doesn’t want what you want, and he knows it.
For your part, it’s a good rule to only fight with people you’re going to build with. Resist the urge to argue with him, and if he doesn’t have the skills to communicate and negotiate with you, let him go.
Men are often like children, they want what they want until they get it. They lose interest in toys, and they fall in love with women who require them to get to know them. Be this type of woman. He’ll love you for it.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for strong women based in Los Angeles who offers a free Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, and tired of dating the wrong guys connect with him via his calendar link to make finding time easy.
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07
Jan, 2019

By James Hanrahan

3 Things Men Want More Than Sex

You might think men want nothing more than sex. While, it is certainly often in their minds, there are three things that are more valuable to men than sex.

In order for a man to fall in love with you, he will unknowingly even to him be looking for these 3 things.

With that in mind, here are the 3 things men want more than sex. I hope these will inspire you to understand the men you date and what men really want when they fall in love with you.

1. Acceptance.

Men want acceptance for who they are right now. Not, who they are going to be in 5 or 10 years but for who they are in this moment.

We all want acceptance but, for men, it is the cornerstone of any long-term relationship.

A man knows that if you do not like his job, his friends, the way he spends his free time, etc. that in the long run, he will have no chance with you.

There’s a long-standing joke that when a man sees his woman as she’s walking down the aisle, he says she looks amazing I hope she never changes.

When a woman sees her man walking down the aisle, she says to herself, I can change him.

There’s a lot of truth in this joke. Men don’t change. If you can accept that, you’re on your way to really have a great man for the rest of your life. Because you already truly like him the way he is.

2. Appreciation.

Most good men follow a very simple equation. When you appreciate what they already do, they will do more.

Men fall in love when they give. They are literally looking for ways to give to you. However, if they get the impression that you don’t appreciate it, or they can’t make you happy, they will give up.

Appreciating what he already does may be very hard for you to do. Because, frankly, some men don’t do much. However, if you can simply start by appreciating the little things they already do, I assure you they will do more, and thank you for it!

3. Admiration.

Now, you may be saying, you’ve gone too far, admiration? Yes, admiration.

Admiration, in this context simply means you admire some aspect of him. Perhaps, it’s his sense of humor, or his work ethic, or the way he treats his family and friends. The key here is to find some aspect that you do admire about him and tell him.

Admiration for a man goes hand-in-hand with respect. Men know that a woman most often can only fall in love with a man she respects.

If you’re with a man that for any reason you don’t respect, please let him go. You only be hurting yourself and him in the long run.

However if you do respect him, the greatest gift you can give a man is to tell him, I respect you.
Respect, inspires a man to be a better man.

You have all the cards to be with the man you want.
The 3 keys to remember are acceptance, appreciation, and admiration.

When you accept a man the way he is right now. You are building a strong foundation for a long-term relationship.

When you appreciate what he’s already doing. when he gets the sense that he can make you happy. He will feel that he can win with you and it will inspire him to no end.

When you admire and respect a man, you give him the confidence to be his best self. Men choose a woman for the long-term by the way he feels when he’s with you.

It’s a simple equation to understanding what good men want. Acceptance, appreciation, and admiration. When you give them to a man, he will fall deeply in love with you.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, I’d love to connect. Here’s my calendar link to make finding time easy.

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Apr, 2018

By James Hanrahan

3 Agreements To Make Before You Have Sex

I’ve got new rules, I count them.
When you meet a guy you have chemistry with it’s magical. Finally, after dating guys, you don’t like you meet someone you do.
You don’t want to talk about it because it feels so good. However, you’ve been down this road a few times and you know that having a hot night doesn’t require a conversation, your body will take care of that, but having a relationship does.
With that in mind here are three agreements to make before you decide when to have sex if you’re interested in a long-term relationship.

1. Exclusivity 

For a one-night stand exclusivity doesn’t need to be worked out it’s a one night stand. If you want a long-term relationship the first agreement you want to consider making is do you want to be exclusive? And what does that look like?
There are two parts to this question. One is, do you want to be sexually exclusive, meaning you only have sex with each other. And second, do you want to be socially exclusive meaning you portray yourself as someone in a relationship not as someone who is still single on dating apps etc.
You may think this is obvious however if you’ve ever slept with a guy and then went online and saw him still on an app you know what I’m talking about.
2. Continuity.
Continuity is about how often you’re going to see each other. If you’re having a one night stand than agreeing that you just want to see each other for one night is continuity.
If you’re looking for something more than agreeing to see each other regularly will give you a foundation to do that.

Continuity usually plays out over time, however, seeing if someone wants to have it with you is important.

Relationships are built over time and shared experiences. Continuity is the key for that to happen.
3. Longevity.
If there’s one agreement that’s missing when a new coaching client calls me it’s longevity.
Their exclusive, they see each other regularly but they have no idea what each other’s long-term plan is.
This is especially dangerous with men. Men live by a simple code when it comes to sex; the less said the better. Unfortunately, this code is not in your best interest or his if you want long-term relationship.
Longevity simply means you’re establishing if you want to build something together and what your long-term relationship goals are. I.e. are you aiming towards marriage and children or just having a lifetime partner? Or are you at a point in life where you’re exploring meeting different people? The point is to find out and agree that you’re both on the same page.
Now for the important questions. When do you have this conversation? And when do you make these agreements?
There are two steps to this answer. Obviously, if you’re following along you want to have it before you have sex however, there is one step that comes before it. That step is you want to get to know him better.
For example; he asks you for sex, let’s be real he doesn’t ask you, he just makes a move on you and hopes it works out. At which point you say “I really like you and I’m attracted to you. You’re funny, smart and sexy etc, however, I don’t feel comfortable having intercourse until I get to know you better. What do you think?”
If he agrees to get to know you better it gives you time to establish a courtship where you can find out if you like him based on his actions. Does he want to see you regularly? Does he ask you to be his girlfriend and be exclusive? In your conversations does he start to make long-term plans with you and invite you to meet his family and friends?
If over time you feel comfortable and you’re ready to have intercourse with him. The next time he makes a move on you which he will. Say “I really appreciate you taking the time to get to know me. I feel really comfortable with you, you’re smart, sexy and funny etc. However, before we have sex I want to ask you. Do you want to be monogamous with me sexually and socially? Do you want to see me regularly? Do you see me as someone you want to have a long-term relationship with aiming towards the possibility of marriage and children? Or as a life partner?”
You may be worried about killing the moment and spontaneity. To which I say to you people who know how to love have the ability to make and keep agreements. A relationship is a series of kept agreements. Once you establish these three agreements you’re on the way to building a life together with all the spontaneity and moments you could ever ask for. Consider it.
The 3 agreements are; exclusivity, continuity, and longevity. Ask for them and watch your relationship come to life in a way that will surprise you. There’s magic in what you ask for. It’s how a man falls in love with you.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men’s secrets to fall in love in A Life of Love.
 
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