The 3 Walls of Intimacy In Modern Relationships
1. The Wall of Chemistry
2. The Wall of Compatibility
3. The Wall of Communication
1. The Wall of Chemistry
2. The Wall of Compatibility
3. The Wall of Communication
When is the last time you received a love letter from a guy? The problem is many men are not falling in love anymore.
Will, they hit you up? Absolutely. Will they stay with you? Well, that’s becoming a problem.
With that in mind, here is the real reason why men aren’t falling in love and what to do about it. This knowledge will be a game-changer for your love life.
1. Sex
Contrary to what some may believe, men do not usually fall in love when they have sex. It does not by itself create intimacy, rather it exposes whether you have it or not.
Sex revolves around initial chemistry which can go as fast as a comes. The illusion of closeness that sex can give you can mask the fact that on a deeper level you really don’t know each other.
Friendship is often best built before sex enters a relationship. In order for a man to fall in love with you, it’s helpful for him to get to know you as a human being first.
2. Time
Time gives you the opportunity to evaluate and gain insight into the man you’re dating. The journey of falling in love takes time.
Relationships are an investment of time and energy. When a man invests the time to get to know you as a human being he begins to demonstrate his character.
Men are often way ahead of themselves. They will ask you to go on trips, to have sex, and to become their girlfriend way before they’re ready.
Slowing a man down is one of the best ways to give him the opportunity to fall in love with you. Encourage his enthusiasm, but slow down his speed.
3. Friendship
We are often lead to believe that friendship and love are two entirely different things. But are they? Can a man truly love you if he has not befriended you?
Friendship demonstrates the character of the man you’re with. Does he make and keep his agreements? Does he demonstrate integrity in all aspects of his life? Does he treat you with concern, and care about your feelings?
When we underestimate the importance of falling in love with someone who demonstrates friendship we’re often shocked when they leave abruptly.
It’s usually not a lack of chemistry that ends a poorly conceived relationship, it’s a lack of friendship. Character is the lasting quality to look for, it’s demonstrated in a friendship and in a lover.
Sex in itself will not give you intimacy. In fact, people often avoid intimacy by having sex.
Time is what gives a man a runway to fall in love with you. When you understand this, it will change the trajectory of your love life.
Friendship is one of the biggest clues you’re falling in love with the right person. If you’re continually doubting the character and trustworthiness of a man you’re with, you’re usually with the wrong man.
Men fall in love when you require them to take the time to get to know you and building a friendship with you. Friendship is foundational to your well-being and it’s the real reason that without it, men are not falling in love anymore.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for strong women based in Los Angeles who offers a free Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, and tired of dating the wrong guys, connect with him via his calendar link to make finding time easy.
In some ways, it’s never been easier to get a guy. A few swipes right and the parade appears. At the same time, disappearing acts have never been more prevalent. What’s a girl to do?
Getting a guy long-term requires a different strategy. It takes one that’s been proven for thousands of years.
With that in mind, here are 3 proven secrets of courtship used for centuries, that will help you not only to get a guy but keep him.
1 Time
In a world of instant gratification time is often the last thing we think of. However, courtship is a test of time and you can use it to your advantage.
One of the secrets to getting a guy and keeping him is to add the element of time. This means contrary to popular belief, and for best results, you get to know him slowly.
The most valuable thing we have is time. When a man is willing to invest his time to get to know you and be with you, he’s signaling you that his intent is sincere and he cares about you as a human being.
2 Space
The second secret of courtship with men is, men require space. Any semblance of pressure from you can turn them into a major flight risk.
The essence of courtship is one person chasing the other. Men love to chase they just don’t want to be caught. Knowing this will change your strategy and allow you to be pursued.
Space gives a man the feeling that it’s his idea and he’s coming toward you. When you don’t call or text him or try to run him down, for example, an authentic courtship can begin. Remember courtship is one person chasing the other, and it usually works best when your man does the chasing.
3 Play
Never forget that courtship at its essence is playful. Seriousness at the wrong time can turn your courtship into a drama.
Flirting, dropping a handkerchief, smiling, and looking in the eyes are all playful acts, that will lead you to something more serious.
Ironically, when a man feels you have the ability to play with him, he will take you more seriously. The key to the dance is that by playing with him, he will be enticed to win you over.
Courtship is definitely a test of time, it’s like planting a seed in the ground. It takes at least a year to get to know somebody and you want to see them in all seasons.
Music is created by the space between the notes. When you give a man room, he will be inspired to come closer to you. There’s no better feeling than when your patience in this regard pays off.
Playfulness makes a man want to be with you more and more. It’s the joys and challenges in life that keep us coming back.
History is full of courtships that have stood the test of time. Use the secrets of courtship and you will be amazed at your results.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for strong women based in Los Angeles who offers a free weekly Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, and tired of dating the wrong guys, connect with him via his calendar link to make finding time easy.
When you first meet a guy, it’s hard to tell what a man wants. The sex aspect becomes apparent almost immediately, but the question becomes how is this going to turn into a lasting relationship?
Most men are not eager to jump into a committed relationship. It’s going to take some finesse. In fact, the only true way to make a man enter into a long-term relationship is to make it his idea.
With that in mind, here are three ways to catch him off guard, and put his mind at ease. Once you lower his defenses the rest will come naturally.
1. Banter
You may believe that a list of relationship questions will help you find the right man. While this may be true, this is not how most men approach relationships.
Banter is what makes a man want to spend more time with you. It catches him thinking about you and wanted to tell you more.
It’s the thread that connects your days together and it allows him to feel comfortable with you. Banter puts a man at ease with you and lets him know he can be himself.
2. Laughter
You may believe that having a serious conversation with a guy will get him to commit. While there’s a time and place for everything, leading with a serious conversation, is often a red flag for men.
Laughter is a sign you have a good feel for each other. It makes the hard days easier and the good days even better. A man wants a woman who laughs easily and forgives when necessary.
When he can count on you to see the humor in things he will become far less defensive. Laughter is what makes him see you as a true companion. Happy women are a relationship magnet to men. It keeps him coming back for more.
3. Connection
Men often talk about this fabled-word called “connection.” Probably because even though they want it, they can’t define it.
Day-to-day life and long-term relationships begin and end with connection. At our core, there are two things we desperately want, to be heard, and to be known.
Connection to a man means you get what he’s about, you understand his purpose and his passions.
A man makes you part of his life almost seamlessly. He connects you to the people and places that are important to him.
The banter gets you in the game. It makes a man feel at ease with you and makes him want more.
Laughter is a seal that’s even stronger than a kiss. It will keep you together through the hard times.
When you hear your man and take an interest in his passions and concerns, he will feel the connection, and he will want to build with you.
Relationships are a team game, and when you speak with his interests and concerns in mind, with laughter and banter along the way, he begins to feel the connection. This is what men want in a lasting relationship with you.
Having a boyfriend is great! But sometimes you just don’t know where it’s going? You’ve been together but he hasn’t said anything about the future.
You can be wondering if there are questions you can ask your boyfriend to find out if he is marriage material?
This is a delicate subject because men typically don’t react well to these types of questions.
With this in mind, here are three questions you can ask your boyfriend to find out without him even knowing it if his marriage material.
1. You listen closely.
Before we get to the questions I have a question ask you. Have you been listening to what your boyfriend’s been saying? Does he have any plans for you to do things in the future? Have you met any of his family and friends?
The reason I ask this is that if none of these things have happened yet asking him a question to find out if he’s marriage material or not will be an act of frustration.
But for the sake of this situation, here it is “I really enjoy being in our relationship however I made a mistake. I never asked you do you want to be in a long-term relationship and if things go well the possibility of marriage and children?”
Many of my clients balk at this particular question. It is the hardest one to ask, I know. However, if you do not ask it we will never know if a guy is wasting your time and it won’t be his fault! Because you never required a plan.
He may say things that are uncomfortable or painful for you to hear. However, if you can sit back and listen and stay firm on what you require for him to be in a relationship with you often times if you do not argue with him you will get it.
There are no guarantees but it has been my experience with my clients that it works. The reason is he doesn’t want to lose you but if there’s no risk of losing you there’s no reason for him to marry you or have a long-term plan.
We all know that men don’t like to talk much. There may be words he is dying to hear from you but he won’t mention it. However, when he hears them they are magical.
We all want to hear kinds words And know that the people we love care about us. As a woman, you will want to know what men like to hear. It will create a special bond for your relationship.
With this in mind, Here are 3 words every man likes to hear. These words have an inspirational effect on a man. They inspire him to be a better man and want to have a relationship with you.
1. I respect you.
Perhaps no other word is more important to a man than the word respect. When you tell a man you respect him you are letting him know that you accept him as he is.
2. I appreciate you.
If there’s a close second in the word categories appreciate is a strong contender. When you tell a man that you appreciate him you have struck a chord in his soul.
As simple as this may sound a man derives a large portion of his self-worth by knowing that he can make you happy. Telling a man that you appreciate him is confirmation that what he’s doing is having an affect.
You might say that appreciation to a man is what affection is to a woman. It is a way in which he feels loved. Once you trigger a man that he is appreciated he will want to spend more time with you.
3. I accept you.
In a man’s world acceptance is the key word in his life. He wants to know you accept him the way he is now. It might not be something you outright say it is more something you do.
Acceptance is expressed when you to resist the urge to change him or criticize him. Men are well aware of their faults and when they find that it’s easy to be with you and that you’re willing to work with them. A man will feel accepted.
With this in mind, here are 3 critical reasons why guys suddenly lose interested in you, you’re going to want to know. These will give you the skills to have successful relationships in the future.
You might think men want nothing more than sex. While, it is certainly often in their minds, there are three things that are more valuable to men than sex.
In order for a man to fall in love with you, he will unknowingly even to him be looking for these 3 things.
With that in mind, here are the 3 things men want more than sex. I hope these will inspire you to understand the men you date and what men really want when they fall in love with you.
1. Acceptance.
Men want acceptance for who they are right now. Not, who they are going to be in 5 or 10 years but for who they are in this moment.
We all want acceptance but, for men, it is the cornerstone of any long-term relationship.
A man knows that if you do not like his job, his friends, the way he spends his free time, etc. that in the long run, he will have no chance with you.
There’s a long-standing joke that when a man sees his woman as she’s walking down the aisle, he says she looks amazing I hope she never changes.
When a woman sees her man walking down the aisle, she says to herself, I can change him.
There’s a lot of truth in this joke. Men don’t change. If you can accept that, you’re on your way to really have a great man for the rest of your life. Because you already truly like him the way he is.
2. Appreciation.
Most good men follow a very simple equation. When you appreciate what they already do, they will do more.
Men fall in love when they give. They are literally looking for ways to give to you. However, if they get the impression that you don’t appreciate it, or they can’t make you happy, they will give up.
Appreciating what he already does may be very hard for you to do. Because, frankly, some men don’t do much. However, if you can simply start by appreciating the little things they already do, I assure you they will do more, and thank you for it!
3. Admiration.
Now, you may be saying, you’ve gone too far, admiration? Yes, admiration.
Admiration, in this context simply means you admire some aspect of him. Perhaps, it’s his sense of humor, or his work ethic, or the way he treats his family and friends. The key here is to find some aspect that you do admire about him and tell him.
Admiration for a man goes hand-in-hand with respect. Men know that a woman most often can only fall in love with a man she respects.
If you’re with a man that for any reason you don’t respect, please let him go. You only be hurting yourself and him in the long run.
However if you do respect him, the greatest gift you can give a man is to tell him, I respect you.
Respect, inspires a man to be a better man.
You have all the cards to be with the man you want.
The 3 keys to remember are acceptance, appreciation, and admiration.
When you accept a man the way he is right now. You are building a strong foundation for a long-term relationship.
When you appreciate what he’s already doing. when he gets the sense that he can make you happy. He will feel that he can win with you and it will inspire him to no end.
When you admire and respect a man, you give him the confidence to be his best self. Men choose a woman for the long-term by the way he feels when he’s with you.
It’s a simple equation to understanding what good men want. Acceptance, appreciation, and admiration. When you give them to a man, he will fall deeply in love with you.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, I’d love to connect. Here’s my calendar link to make finding time easy.
1. Exclusivity
Continuity usually plays out over time, however, seeing if someone wants to have it with you is important.