James Allen HanrahanJames Allen Hanrahan

By James Hanrahan

Why Guys Lose Interest In You So Quickly

If you’ve ever had a guy suddenly lose interest in you after you thought you had something going, you know how painful it can be. There’s nothing like getting the rug pulled out from underneath you.
Is it something you said or something you did? There are so many unanswered questions, and he’s long gone before you can get to the bottom of it.

With this in mind, here are 3 critical reasons why guys suddenly lose interested in you, you’re going to want to know. These will give you the skills to have successful relationships in the future.

1. You had sex too soon.
Frankly, if I’m honest this could realistically be reasons number one, two, and three.
I often patiently walk my coaching clients through this painful step-by-step process until they finally get it. Like, I’m going to do with you now.
Hooking-up and having sex with a guy too soon distracts him from getting to know you as a human being.
The number one reason why guys disappear is they perceived you as a sex object and never really got to know you as a person.
This is an easy fix. When a guy is aiming towards a hook up with you or to have sex with you too soon. Simply state the following; “I’m really attracted to you. You’re funny, charming and sexy. However, I don’t feel comfortable having sex (I’m enjoying making out with you) until I get to know you better.” “What do you think?”
Will this lower your hook-up rates? Absolutely! Will some guys argue with you and complain? Absolutely!
Will a guy who is really into you and wants to get to know you, say “he understands and is willing to get to know you better?” Yes, and that’s what we’re looking for.
You want a guy who cares about how you feel and wants to make sure you’re comfortable. He’s not in a hurry, because he’s comfortable with himself. He enjoys the challenge of winning you over. This is how we separate the mature men who want a relationship from the boys.
2. You suddenly want commitments.
To be fair, this only happens when my clients haven’t followed step one. They get upset when they have sex with a guy too soon and then the guy suddenly becomes less attentive or loses interest. They want to know what’s going on, so they ask him.
The guy for his part thinks you’re cool with hooking- up because frankly, you did. He assumes no responsibility for your feelings because it wasn’t required to sleep with you, and he’s startled when you’re upset.
Then when you ask him about commitments and whether or not he’s really into you? You get a lot of backpedaling and wishy-washy answers until you don’t see him again.
This again is a simple fix. Please use step one, and then you won’t be calling me for advice on what to do in the morning. But, if you have to, no worries, I’m there for you. It won’t be the first time I’ve talked someone of the ledge.
3. You’re not compatible.
Sometimes you’re lives just doesn’t fit together. Men are often the first to recognize this. They realize you want to be married and have children. Or, his career is going to move him out of the state or country. He just doesn’t see a future with you.
And, sometimes since he didn’t take the time to get to know you he loses interest because he’s just not that into you. This usually happens when he wasn’t invested. He hadn’t spent the time to get to know you.
There’s nothing to do about this one. It is what it is. You’re looking for the right guy, and to do that you have to get comfortable losing the wrong ones.
Please, remember rule number one. It’s really rule number two and number three. Don’t have sex too soon. Courtship is a test of time. It will greatly reduce your return and starting overrates. 
Get a guy who wants to pass this test of time and he will be much more ready to be in a relationship with you.
The time to find out if he wants a relationship is before you have sex. Asking for commitments is a much harder sell afterward. As I said, it all comes down to rule one. Require him to get to know you first.
As you get to know a guy, sometimes he will suddenly lose interest because he doesn’t see the point in having a conversation about things that you are not compatible on.  He doesn’t want what you want, and he knows it.
For your part, it’s a good rule to only fight with people you’re going to build with. Resist the urge to argue with him, and if he doesn’t have the skills to communicate and negotiate with you, let him go.
Men are often like children, they want what they want until they get it. They lose interest in toys, and they fall in love with women who require them to get to know them. Be this type of woman. He’ll love you for it.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for strong women based in Los Angeles who offers a free Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, and tired of dating the wrong guys connect with him via his calendar link to make finding time easy.

By James Hanrahan

3 Things Men Want More Than Sex

You might think men want nothing more than sex. While, it is certainly often in their minds, there are three things that are more valuable to men than sex.

In order for a man to fall in love with you, he will unknowingly even to him be looking for these 3 things.

With that in mind, here are the 3 things men want more than sex. I hope these will inspire you to understand the men you date and what men really want when they fall in love with you.

1. Acceptance.

Men want acceptance for who they are right now. Not, who they are going to be in 5 or 10 years but for who they are in this moment.

We all want acceptance but, for men, it is the cornerstone of any long-term relationship.

A man knows that if you do not like his job, his friends, the way he spends his free time, etc. that in the long run, he will have no chance with you.

There’s a long-standing joke that when a man sees his woman as she’s walking down the aisle, he says she looks amazing I hope she never changes.

When a woman sees her man walking down the aisle, she says to herself, I can change him.

There’s a lot of truth in this joke. Men don’t change. If you can accept that, you’re on your way to really have a great man for the rest of your life. Because you already truly like him the way he is.

2. Appreciation.

Most good men follow a very simple equation. When you appreciate what they already do, they will do more.

Men fall in love when they give. They are literally looking for ways to give to you. However, if they get the impression that you don’t appreciate it, or they can’t make you happy, they will give up.

Appreciating what he already does may be very hard for you to do. Because, frankly, some men don’t do much. However, if you can simply start by appreciating the little things they already do, I assure you they will do more, and thank you for it!

3. Admiration.

Now, you may be saying, you’ve gone too far, admiration? Yes, admiration.

Admiration, in this context simply means you admire some aspect of him. Perhaps, it’s his sense of humor, or his work ethic, or the way he treats his family and friends. The key here is to find some aspect that you do admire about him and tell him.

Admiration for a man goes hand-in-hand with respect. Men know that a woman most often can only fall in love with a man she respects.

If you’re with a man that for any reason you don’t respect, please let him go. You only be hurting yourself and him in the long run.

However if you do respect him, the greatest gift you can give a man is to tell him, I respect you.
Respect, inspires a man to be a better man.

You have all the cards to be with the man you want.
The 3 keys to remember are acceptance, appreciation, and admiration.

When you accept a man the way he is right now. You are building a strong foundation for a long-term relationship.

When you appreciate what he’s already doing. when he gets the sense that he can make you happy. He will feel that he can win with you and it will inspire him to no end.

When you admire and respect a man, you give him the confidence to be his best self. Men choose a woman for the long-term by the way he feels when he’s with you.

It’s a simple equation to understanding what good men want. Acceptance, appreciation, and admiration. When you give them to a man, he will fall deeply in love with you.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, I’d love to connect. Here’s my calendar link to make finding time easy.

By James Hanrahan

3 Agreements To Make Before You Have Sex

I’ve got new rules, I count them.
When you meet a guy you have chemistry with it’s magical. Finally, after dating guys, you don’t like you meet someone you do.
You don’t want to talk about it because it feels so good. However, you’ve been down this road a few times and you know that having a hot night doesn’t require a conversation, your body will take care of that, but having a relationship does.
With that in mind here are three agreements to make before you decide when to have sex if you’re interested in a long-term relationship.

1. Exclusivity 

For a one-night stand exclusivity doesn’t need to be worked out it’s a one night stand. If you want a long-term relationship the first agreement you want to consider making is do you want to be exclusive? And what does that look like?
There are two parts to this question. One is, do you want to be sexually exclusive, meaning you only have sex with each other. And second, do you want to be socially exclusive meaning you portray yourself as someone in a relationship not as someone who is still single on dating apps etc.
You may think this is obvious however if you’ve ever slept with a guy and then went online and saw him still on an app you know what I’m talking about.
2. Continuity.
Continuity is about how often you’re going to see each other. If you’re having a one night stand than agreeing that you just want to see each other for one night is continuity.
If you’re looking for something more than agreeing to see each other regularly will give you a foundation to do that.

Continuity usually plays out over time, however, seeing if someone wants to have it with you is important.

Relationships are built over time and shared experiences. Continuity is the key for that to happen.
3. Longevity.
If there’s one agreement that’s missing when a new coaching client calls me it’s longevity.
Their exclusive, they see each other regularly but they have no idea what each other’s long-term plan is.
This is especially dangerous with men. Men live by a simple code when it comes to sex; the less said the better. Unfortunately, this code is not in your best interest or his if you want long-term relationship.
Longevity simply means you’re establishing if you want to build something together and what your long-term relationship goals are. I.e. are you aiming towards marriage and children or just having a lifetime partner? Or are you at a point in life where you’re exploring meeting different people? The point is to find out and agree that you’re both on the same page.
Now for the important questions. When do you have this conversation? And when do you make these agreements?
There are two steps to this answer. Obviously, if you’re following along you want to have it before you have sex however, there is one step that comes before it. That step is you want to get to know him better.
For example; he asks you for sex, let’s be real he doesn’t ask you, he just makes a move on you and hopes it works out. At which point you say “I really like you and I’m attracted to you. You’re funny, smart and sexy etc, however, I don’t feel comfortable having intercourse until I get to know you better. What do you think?”
If he agrees to get to know you better it gives you time to establish a courtship where you can find out if you like him based on his actions. Does he want to see you regularly? Does he ask you to be his girlfriend and be exclusive? In your conversations does he start to make long-term plans with you and invite you to meet his family and friends?
If over time you feel comfortable and you’re ready to have intercourse with him. The next time he makes a move on you which he will. Say “I really appreciate you taking the time to get to know me. I feel really comfortable with you, you’re smart, sexy and funny etc. However, before we have sex I want to ask you. Do you want to be monogamous with me sexually and socially? Do you want to see me regularly? Do you see me as someone you want to have a long-term relationship with aiming towards the possibility of marriage and children? Or as a life partner?”
You may be worried about killing the moment and spontaneity. To which I say to you people who know how to love have the ability to make and keep agreements. A relationship is a series of kept agreements. Once you establish these three agreements you’re on the way to building a life together with all the spontaneity and moments you could ever ask for. Consider it.
The 3 agreements are; exclusivity, continuity, and longevity. Ask for them and watch your relationship come to life in a way that will surprise you. There’s magic in what you ask for. It’s how a man falls in love with you.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men’s secrets to fall in love in A Life of Love.
 

By James Hanrahan

How To Make A Guy Totally Infatuated With You

Turning him on is just the beginning…
If you’ve ever wondered what makes a guy infatuated with you, it’s a good point to consider.
Chemistry is the foundation of any relationship and we live too long to be without it. This is especially true for men as well as you.
Men are visual, the moment they lay their eyes on you they instantly know if they’re infatuated with you or not.
With that in mind here are three points to consider that make men infatuated with you.
 
1. Get in his eyes.
Infatuation starts with eye contact. The eyes are the windows to the soul and when you open them a man can fall deeply in love with you.
Men are looking for a connection. When you make eye contact and smile at him he sees it as an invitation to connect with you.
Many of my clients tell me that when they’re attracted to a guy they don’t look at him. This is obviously counterproductive. It doesn’t work with a gentleman. Drunks and players will approach you without eye contact, gentleman will look for a signal from you.
Looking in the eyes of a man will put you miles ahead of other women. Try it and see the results.
2. Let him in your ears.
Infatuation for you as a woman is important. And the way to get it is to let him get into your ears.
Listen to what he has to say, find out what he’s doing in his life, and what if any future plans he has for you

A man with a plan becomes more and more attractive over time.
When a man is infatuated with you he will tell you everything you need to hear. If you don’t hear things that sound good, he’s not infatuated with you and it’s time to move on.
3. Get into his heart.
You want to move a man. You do this by getting into his heart. Men are attracted to you when it’s easy to be with you. When they sense you respect them and want to know what they think.
This is the subtlety that’s often missed with infatuation. Men are not just looking at you there looking through you. They intuitively know if you’re right for them. They do this by gauging if they’re comfortable with you. If it’s a fun and playful experience that leads to something more serious.
It starts when you look him in the eyes. It sparks when he begins a conversation with you.
When he’s talking listen carefully. Men will tell you everything you need to hear right from the beginning.
When you’re able to get to his heart you’re on your way to building something that’s bigger than the initial infatuation. A solid man is a joy to be with.
This is just the beginning of your adventure together. Get in his eyes, listen with your ears and you’ll unlock his heart. Men want to fall in love with you its what they’re looking for.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of information in Dating Advice For Alpha Women.

 

By James Hanrahan

3 Ways To Keep Him Interested In A Relationship With You

When you meet a guy you like it can seems like a miracle.

When he starts out treating you like a queen, it’s exciting.

The hard part is when he starts slowing down, not texting as much, not calling and planning dates. This can lead you to believe he’s not interested in you.

With that in mind here are three ways to keep him interested and to understand how men think.

1. The slow down.

It’s natural when a guy first meets you for him to want to spend all his time with you. He’s focused on the goal of being with you. The infatuation phase is like a bubble for just the two of you.

It’s also natural after a few weeks for him to slow down. This is not necessarily a bad thing.

Since he’s probably been neglecting his friends, work and hobbies he’s just coming back into balance. For a guy to have a relationship with you, in the long run, he will need to integrate you into the rest of his life.

The key is to not take it personally and ask him what’s wrong.

Once you understand that this is natural, give him space and he will come bouncing back to you.

2. He takes you for granted.

Once a guy has you he considers you part of his life. This may seem like bad news because he takes you for granted.

Actually, ironically this is good news because he now considers himself to be in a relationship with you.

I’m not suggesting that he can treat you badly, I’m suggesting that he treats you as a normal, everyday part of his life. This is a very good thing that means you can start building a life together.

3. Keep your boundaries.

While he may be normalizing, you want to remind him that the courtship of you is not over.

You do this by not accepting last-minute invitations and by spending time with your friends and your hobbies.

You may be tempted to want to spend all your time with him, but trust the spaces in between.

Men fall in love when they’re away from you.

When he slows down know that it’s natural and don’t try to speed him back up.

If you start to think he’s taking you for granted, reframe it. This means you’re part of his life which is a good thing, within reason.

Always keep your boundaries and let him know when things don’t feel good.

This is the key to keeping him interested because it causes him to stretch to be in a relationship with you.

Your boundaries require him to be a better man. This is the unconscious reason he fell in love with you in the first place and the reason your relationship will last for the long run.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men’s secrets to fall in love in A Life of Love.

By James Hanrahan

3 Ways To Tell How MUCH A Guy Likes You

When you meet a guy it’s hard to tell how interested he is in you. Is he thinking hook up, relationship, or does he even like you?

A guy’s level of interest basically breaks down into three categories. The categories are lust, like and love.

A relationship has elements of all three. With that in mind, here’s how to tell a guy’s level of interest and how much a guy likes you..

1. Lust.

At this level you can tell he’s definitely attracted to you and wants to hook up. This is a good start, the problem is when it’s also the finish line.

This means he gets stuck at this level and isn’t interested in taking the time to get to know you.

For example he tries to make out with you and if you don’t immediately return the favor, he loses interest. This is because he’s not at the second level. The second level is…

2. Like.

The difference between a man who can have a relationship and a guy who can only hook up is found at this level.

As crazy as it sounds, a man who can have a relationship with you, likes you. The way you tell he likes you is he enjoys spending time with you and he doesn’t care what you’re doing.

A guy whose stuck at the lust level is only concerned with having sex. A guy at the like level enjoys getting to know you, because he likes you.

3. Love.

When you put things together the chemistry of lust get you in the game.

The friendship of like shows a man has an interest in your humanity.

To know if a man is at the level of love with you, plays out over time. It shows in his ability to make and keep agreements with you consistently.

It shows in his desire to build with you. A man at the level of love sees you in his future and creates a roadmap to get there. He knows how to blend his lust and like for you, into a love that lasts. You can measure a man’s ability to love you, by how much he likes you.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men’s steps to fall in love in A Life of Love.

By James Hanrahan

3 UNMISTAKABLE Signs a Man’s in Love With You

When you want to know if a man is in love with you, it doesn’t matter what he says. It matters what he does.

For men love is a verb and when he’s in love with you, he takes action.

With that in mind, here are three actions that are clear signs he’s in love with you.

1. Momentum.

Men are all about momentum. From the moment he meets you and gets your number, if he calls you right away and makes an effort to see you, he’s on his way to being in love with you.

If he can wait a few weeks to see you, or sees you once and then waits for another month, he doesn’t have momentum and he’s wasting your time.

The first thing to look for is, does he have momentum.

2. Escalation.

Lots of guys start out fast. They want to see you all the time and then suddenly vanish.

A guy who’s falling in love with you, wants to build something with you.

This means he wants to do a variety of things with you. He wants you to meet his friends, his family etc. you feel he’s including you in his life.

Escalation means he’s not just dating and having sex with you. He’s building a life with you and adding complexity to what you do together.

3. Responsibility.

When a man falls in love with you he suddenly wants to give up his freedom that he values so highly, and be responsible for you.

This simply means he takes your feelings into account and there are no sudden disappearing acts. He makes and keeps agreements with you without hesitation.

When a man falls in love with you being in a relationship is his idea. He asks you to be exclusive because he doesn’t want to lose you. He has momentum and he’s goal oriented. The goal is to be with you.

He invites you into his life and you feel the relationship is escalating. You sense, he cares about how you feel and he welcomes the responsibility to make long-range plans with you. These are the signs, and this is how to tell a man’s in love with you.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of  men’s secrets to fall in love in Dating Advice for Alpha Women.

By James Hanrahan

The Turn Him ON Slow Formula That Attracts Quality Men

When a guy likes you, he’s turned on and he can’t help himself. His enthusiasm is off the charts. He wants to see you all the time and he’s got big plans.

Enthusiasm is important and you want a man to have it. The only problem is it distorts his sense of reality. This is where you come in.

In order to turn his enthusiasm into reality you’re going to have to slow him down without squelching his enthusiastic bliss.

The hard part is to turn his enthusiasm into responsibility. This is done by letting him know what you require to be in a relationship.

Men demonstrate love by what they’re willing to be responsible for. This means you can count on him for more than just the feeling of love.

Slowing a man down allows him to consider the more practical aspects of a relationship. It requires him to come up with a plan.

The first way to slow a man down and the most sobering is to not have intercourse with him until you get to know him better.

You do this by letting him know that you think he’s smart, funny, handsome etc. however you don’t feel comfortable having intercourse until you get to know him better.

This allows him to get to know you as a human being, not just someone he’s attracted to.

When a man gets overly focused on sex, he loses sight of reality and stops making plans with you.

Slowing him down allows him to stay enthusiastic about having a relationship with you and winning you over. When a man is focused on reality and creating a definitive plan for you, he’s turned on slow and you’re on your way to having a long-term relationship.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for SMART women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of information in A Life of Love.

Why Guys Lose Interest In You So Quickly
3 Things Men Want More Than Sex
3 Agreements To Make Before You Have Sex
How To Make A Guy Totally Infatuated With You
3 Ways To Keep Him Interested In A Relationship With You
3 Ways To Tell How MUCH A Guy Likes You
3 UNMISTAKABLE Signs a Man’s in Love With You
The Turn Him ON Slow Formula That Attracts Quality Men