The 3 Walls of Intimacy In Modern Relationships
1. The Wall of Chemistry
2. The Wall of Compatibility
3. The Wall of Communication
1. The Wall of Chemistry
2. The Wall of Compatibility
3. The Wall of Communication
Just about every relationship starts with an element of fantasy. In some ways, it has to, to get off the ground.
Imagination makes things possible but, it can also break your heart. We know relationships are often dangerous territory, but it’s rarely enough to stop us.
With that in mind, here are 3 keys to help you avoid heartaches and find a relationship that will last forever. The first of course starts with what attracts many of us in the first place…
1. Fantasy
When you first meet a guy you have chemistry with your head can really start spinning. You can begin to imagine a future together. The chemistry can be so strong you can almost think of nothing else.
This is normal and it’s easy to get carried away. To avoid heartache it’s important to not get too lost in fantasy, and make sure you’re taking the time to get to know a man for who he truly is.
Most men start out fast, but you’re going to need to take your time and be realistic if you’re going to make it to the finish line.
Relying on fantasy and chemistry can only take you so far, (usually 3 months) if you’re really going to make it you’re going to need this…
2. Friendship
With all the buildup that comes from having chemistry, we can often miss whether we actually like the person we’re with.
This is where friendship comes in, it allows you to find your feet. If the two of you can spend time together doing a variety of things besides having sex, you can begin to establish whether or not you also have a friendship.
I call it filling in the other 23 hours. This means you are comfortable being together morning, noon and night. In other words, you are capable of enjoying and spending your days together, and it’s not just a series of intermittent nights.
3. Family
Relationships that last are with people we consider to be family. They could be longtime friends or actually family members. The introduction of a partner to our family and friends and the introduction to theirs gives a relationship lasting power.
In isolation, the two of you can fall into a hook-up. With family, you can become part of a team. Family and friends give us a sense of openness and discovery. We are connected by sharing each other with the people who are dearest to us. It also gives us accountability.
Most relationships that last forever are built on a common goal. When we can see ourselves, either starting a family or becoming part of a family, the connection helps us to get through the hard times.
Fantasy can get you started but it takes more than that to get you to the finish line. Let chemistry get you going, but let your friendship keep it going.
Friendship is your foundation, with it, you can build anything. Lovers who have the built-in attraction of friendship are capable of long-lasting relationships.
Our family and our friends are our longest-lasting relationships. When we make them a part of our lives together as a couple, we’re doing something that has a strong foundation; something that’s built to last.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for strong women based in Los Angeles who offers a free Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, and tired of dating the wrong guys, connect with him via his calendar link to make finding time easy.
When is the last time you received a love letter from a guy? The problem is many men are not falling in love anymore.
Will, they hit you up? Absolutely. Will they stay with you? Well, that’s becoming a problem.
With that in mind, here is the real reason why men aren’t falling in love and what to do about it. This knowledge will be a game-changer for your love life.
1. Sex
Contrary to what some may believe, men do not usually fall in love when they have sex. It does not by itself create intimacy, rather it exposes whether you have it or not.
Sex revolves around initial chemistry which can go as fast as a comes. The illusion of closeness that sex can give you can mask the fact that on a deeper level you really don’t know each other.
Friendship is often best built before sex enters a relationship. In order for a man to fall in love with you, it’s helpful for him to get to know you as a human being first.
2. Time
Time gives you the opportunity to evaluate and gain insight into the man you’re dating. The journey of falling in love takes time.
Relationships are an investment of time and energy. When a man invests the time to get to know you as a human being he begins to demonstrate his character.
Men are often way ahead of themselves. They will ask you to go on trips, to have sex, and to become their girlfriend way before they’re ready.
Slowing a man down is one of the best ways to give him the opportunity to fall in love with you. Encourage his enthusiasm, but slow down his speed.
3. Friendship
We are often lead to believe that friendship and love are two entirely different things. But are they? Can a man truly love you if he has not befriended you?
Friendship demonstrates the character of the man you’re with. Does he make and keep his agreements? Does he demonstrate integrity in all aspects of his life? Does he treat you with concern, and care about your feelings?
When we underestimate the importance of falling in love with someone who demonstrates friendship we’re often shocked when they leave abruptly.
It’s usually not a lack of chemistry that ends a poorly conceived relationship, it’s a lack of friendship. Character is the lasting quality to look for, it’s demonstrated in a friendship and in a lover.
Sex in itself will not give you intimacy. In fact, people often avoid intimacy by having sex.
Time is what gives a man a runway to fall in love with you. When you understand this, it will change the trajectory of your love life.
Friendship is one of the biggest clues you’re falling in love with the right person. If you’re continually doubting the character and trustworthiness of a man you’re with, you’re usually with the wrong man.
Men fall in love when you require them to take the time to get to know you and building a friendship with you. Friendship is foundational to your well-being and it’s the real reason that without it, men are not falling in love anymore.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for strong women based in Los Angeles who offers a free Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, and tired of dating the wrong guys, connect with him via his calendar link to make finding time easy.
In some ways, it’s never been easier to get a guy. A few swipes right and the parade appears. At the same time, disappearing acts have never been more prevalent. What’s a girl to do?
Getting a guy long-term requires a different strategy. It takes one that’s been proven for thousands of years.
With that in mind, here are 3 proven secrets of courtship used for centuries, that will help you not only to get a guy but keep him.
1 Time
In a world of instant gratification time is often the last thing we think of. However, courtship is a test of time and you can use it to your advantage.
One of the secrets to getting a guy and keeping him is to add the element of time. This means contrary to popular belief, and for best results, you get to know him slowly.
The most valuable thing we have is time. When a man is willing to invest his time to get to know you and be with you, he’s signaling you that his intent is sincere and he cares about you as a human being.
2 Space
The second secret of courtship with men is, men require space. Any semblance of pressure from you can turn them into a major flight risk.
The essence of courtship is one person chasing the other. Men love to chase they just don’t want to be caught. Knowing this will change your strategy and allow you to be pursued.
Space gives a man the feeling that it’s his idea and he’s coming toward you. When you don’t call or text him or try to run him down, for example, an authentic courtship can begin. Remember courtship is one person chasing the other, and it usually works best when your man does the chasing.
3 Play
Never forget that courtship at its essence is playful. Seriousness at the wrong time can turn your courtship into a drama.
Flirting, dropping a handkerchief, smiling, and looking in the eyes are all playful acts, that will lead you to something more serious.
Ironically, when a man feels you have the ability to play with him, he will take you more seriously. The key to the dance is that by playing with him, he will be enticed to win you over.
Courtship is definitely a test of time, it’s like planting a seed in the ground. It takes at least a year to get to know somebody and you want to see them in all seasons.
Music is created by the space between the notes. When you give a man room, he will be inspired to come closer to you. There’s no better feeling than when your patience in this regard pays off.
Playfulness makes a man want to be with you more and more. It’s the joys and challenges in life that keep us coming back.
History is full of courtships that have stood the test of time. Use the secrets of courtship and you will be amazed at your results.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for strong women based in Los Angeles who offers a free weekly Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, and tired of dating the wrong guys, connect with him via his calendar link to make finding time easy.
When you first meet a guy, it’s hard to tell what a man wants. The sex aspect becomes apparent almost immediately, but the question becomes how is this going to turn into a lasting relationship?
Most men are not eager to jump into a committed relationship. It’s going to take some finesse. In fact, the only true way to make a man enter into a long-term relationship is to make it his idea.
With that in mind, here are three ways to catch him off guard, and put his mind at ease. Once you lower his defenses the rest will come naturally.
1. Banter
You may believe that a list of relationship questions will help you find the right man. While this may be true, this is not how most men approach relationships.
Banter is what makes a man want to spend more time with you. It catches him thinking about you and wanted to tell you more.
It’s the thread that connects your days together and it allows him to feel comfortable with you. Banter puts a man at ease with you and lets him know he can be himself.
2. Laughter
You may believe that having a serious conversation with a guy will get him to commit. While there’s a time and place for everything, leading with a serious conversation, is often a red flag for men.
Laughter is a sign you have a good feel for each other. It makes the hard days easier and the good days even better. A man wants a woman who laughs easily and forgives when necessary.
When he can count on you to see the humor in things he will become far less defensive. Laughter is what makes him see you as a true companion. Happy women are a relationship magnet to men. It keeps him coming back for more.
3. Connection
Men often talk about this fabled-word called “connection.” Probably because even though they want it, they can’t define it.
Day-to-day life and long-term relationships begin and end with connection. At our core, there are two things we desperately want, to be heard, and to be known.
Connection to a man means you get what he’s about, you understand his purpose and his passions.
A man makes you part of his life almost seamlessly. He connects you to the people and places that are important to him.
The banter gets you in the game. It makes a man feel at ease with you and makes him want more.
Laughter is a seal that’s even stronger than a kiss. It will keep you together through the hard times.
When you hear your man and take an interest in his passions and concerns, he will feel the connection, and he will want to build with you.
Relationships are a team game, and when you speak with his interests and concerns in mind, with laughter and banter along the way, he begins to feel the connection. This is what men want in a lasting relationship with you.
We all know that men don’t like to talk much. There may be words he is dying to hear from you but he won’t mention it. However, when he hears them they are magical.
We all want to hear kinds words And know that the people we love care about us. As a woman, you will want to know what men like to hear. It will create a special bond for your relationship.
With this in mind, Here are 3 words every man likes to hear. These words have an inspirational effect on a man. They inspire him to be a better man and want to have a relationship with you.
1. I respect you.
Perhaps no other word is more important to a man than the word respect. When you tell a man you respect him you are letting him know that you accept him as he is.
2. I appreciate you.
If there’s a close second in the word categories appreciate is a strong contender. When you tell a man that you appreciate him you have struck a chord in his soul.
As simple as this may sound a man derives a large portion of his self-worth by knowing that he can make you happy. Telling a man that you appreciate him is confirmation that what he’s doing is having an affect.
You might say that appreciation to a man is what affection is to a woman. It is a way in which he feels loved. Once you trigger a man that he is appreciated he will want to spend more time with you.
3. I accept you.
In a man’s world acceptance is the key word in his life. He wants to know you accept him the way he is now. It might not be something you outright say it is more something you do.
Acceptance is expressed when you to resist the urge to change him or criticize him. Men are well aware of their faults and when they find that it’s easy to be with you and that you’re willing to work with them. A man will feel accepted.
With this in mind, here are 3 critical reasons why guys suddenly lose interested in you, you’re going to want to know. These will give you the skills to have successful relationships in the future.
1. Exclusivity
Continuity usually plays out over time, however, seeing if someone wants to have it with you is important.
Here are the ingredients of a man in it for the long-run.
When you meet a guy who’s attracted to you, it’s great. But, as you know from experience this is not enough.
After you’ve seen a few guys come and go it becomes important to know how men bond with women.
With that in mind, here are 3 ways a guy will bond with you if you have them in this order.
1. He starts out slow.
A guy who can be in a relationship for the long run starts out slow. I call it starting at level 5. He takes his time getting to know you because he knows it takes more than just chemistry to be in a relationship.
Guys who start at level 10 are all about chemistry. They start out strong and want to be with you all the time. The challenge is they can’t keep up the pace and quickly lose interest because they’re not building anything with you.
A guy who starts at level 5 has room to grow and bond with you. It takes time and shared experiences to bond with a guy. A guy who can be with you for the long run starts out slow. He wants to know you.
2. He builds momentum.
Men bond as they build momentum with you. It shows as he starts to see you more and make you a part of his life.
It’s not enough that he starts slow there has to be a feeling that he is building momentum with you.
If you find yourself getting into a pattern of just seeing him once a week for a date over a long period of time, then he doesn’t have momentum with you.
A guy with momentum starts making plans ahead and ask you how you feel about them. He’s not just living week to week with you.
A good question to ask yourself is “do you feel you have momentum with him?”
3. He has an eye for the finish line.
The final piece of the puzzle is men bond when they commit to you.
This happens when he asks you to stop dating other people and be exclusive with him.
When he starts talking about and making long-range plans with you.
When he’s introducing you to family and friends and you’re becoming a part of his life. And finally of course when he asks you to marry him.
You will notice that he wants to take more and more responsibility for you. This means he includes you in his decisions in life and asks you how you feel about them. In other words, he wants to build a life with you.
Men bond when they start out slow and get to know you as a human being. Time and shared experiences are the way a man opens his heart.
Momentum is key for a man. A man who’s building with you is bonding with you.
A man who can see the finish line and shares his vision with you is a man you can be with for the long run.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men’s secrets to fall in love in A Life of Love.
When you meet a guy you like it can seems like a miracle.
When he starts out treating you like a queen, it’s exciting.
The hard part is when he starts slowing down, not texting as much, not calling and planning dates. This can lead you to believe he’s not interested in you.
With that in mind here are three ways to keep him interested and to understand how men think.
1. The slow down.
It’s natural when a guy first meets you for him to want to spend all his time with you. He’s focused on the goal of being with you. The infatuation phase is like a bubble for just the two of you.
It’s also natural after a few weeks for him to slow down. This is not necessarily a bad thing.
Since he’s probably been neglecting his friends, work and hobbies he’s just coming back into balance. For a guy to have a relationship with you, in the long run, he will need to integrate you into the rest of his life.
The key is to not take it personally and ask him what’s wrong.
Once you understand that this is natural, give him space and he will come bouncing back to you.
2. He takes you for granted.
Once a guy has you he considers you part of his life. This may seem like bad news because he takes you for granted.
Actually, ironically this is good news because he now considers himself to be in a relationship with you.
I’m not suggesting that he can treat you badly, I’m suggesting that he treats you as a normal, everyday part of his life. This is a very good thing that means you can start building a life together.
3. Keep your boundaries.
While he may be normalizing, you want to remind him that the courtship of you is not over.
You do this by not accepting last-minute invitations and by spending time with your friends and your hobbies.
You may be tempted to want to spend all your time with him, but trust the spaces in between.
Men fall in love when they’re away from you.
When he slows down know that it’s natural and don’t try to speed him back up.
If you start to think he’s taking you for granted, reframe it. This means you’re part of his life which is a good thing, within reason.
Always keep your boundaries and let him know when things don’t feel good.
This is the key to keeping him interested because it causes him to stretch to be in a relationship with you.
Your boundaries require him to be a better man. This is the unconscious reason he fell in love with you in the first place and the reason your relationship will last for the long run.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men’s secrets to fall in love in A Life of Love.