James Allen HanrahanJames Allen Hanrahan

By James Hanrahan

(Interview) Finding Your Soulmate Dating Success Journey

I want to share these 3 interview questions I answered with you because they shed light on my journey, that I want to share with you to help you with yours.

1. Tell us about your success journey as a dating expert.

To be honest, my success journey as a dating expert started when I met my wife. Until then, I was just dating. When I met her, she asked me a question no one had ever asked me before. “are you serious?”

From that moment on I became serious about being married, and about learning everything I could about relationships.

Shortly thereafter, I met my Mentor Dr. Pat Allen. A relationship expert for over 40 years and best-selling author of “Getting To I Do.”

I was fortunate enough to spend over four years with her, training, asking her questions, and eventually writing two books with her. “A Life Of Love” and “Dating Advice for Alpha Women.”

2. What advice would you give to those who want to find true love in 2019?

Get in the game. I strongly encourage all my private clients to start dating someone.

You learn when you’re in the game. At which point you can get feedback. This is how you learn about yourself and what it takes for you to be in a relationship.

I suggest you go to workshops, events, concerts, and classes etc. Places were you can meet like-minded people who have a similar interest.

Do things you already enjoy. For example; I met my wife dancing salsa. But, I already liked dancing salsa.

Do things you love to do that put a smile on your face, and love will have a chance to find you while you’re doing them!

3. Do you believe that there is only one true soulmate for everyone? If so, how do we attract our soulmate? 

I don’t believe that we have only one true soulmate. I think that everyone we date for any amount of time is a tremendous gift to us. They are our teachers. They’re teaching us one of two things, either what we want, or what we don’t want. Both are valuable.

I call the people who are not destined to be our soulmate, muscle builders. They are an important part of our journey towards meeting our soulmate. I also don’t believe that we meet our soulmate. I believe that people become our soulmate by walking with us.

It’s the people who want to work with us, and don’t expect us to be perfect, who want us to be our authentic self, who are willing to make and keep agreements with us, who want to establish a trustworthy record with us over time, that become our soulmate. And, isn’t that what we all want?

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for strong women based in Los Angeles who offers a free Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, connect with him via his calendar link to make finding time easy.

 

By James Hanrahan

3 Things Men Want More Than Sex

You might think men want nothing more than sex. While, it is certainly often in their minds, there are three things that are more valuable to men than sex.

In order for a man to fall in love with you, he will unknowingly even to him be looking for these 3 things.

With that in mind, here are the 3 things men want more than sex. I hope these will inspire you to understand the men you date and what men really want when they fall in love with you.

1. Acceptance.

Men want acceptance for who they are right now. Not, who they are going to be in 5 or 10 years but for who they are in this moment.

We all want acceptance but, for men, it is the cornerstone of any long-term relationship.

A man knows that if you do not like his job, his friends, the way he spends his free time, etc. that in the long run, he will have no chance with you.

There’s a long-standing joke that when a man sees his woman as she’s walking down the aisle, he says she looks amazing I hope she never changes.

When a woman sees her man walking down the aisle, she says to herself, I can change him.

There’s a lot of truth in this joke. Men don’t change. If you can accept that, you’re on your way to really have a great man for the rest of your life. Because you already truly like him the way he is.

2. Appreciation.

Most good men follow a very simple equation. When you appreciate what they already do, they will do more.

Men fall in love when they give. They are literally looking for ways to give to you. However, if they get the impression that you don’t appreciate it, or they can’t make you happy, they will give up.

Appreciating what he already does may be very hard for you to do. Because, frankly, some men don’t do much. However, if you can simply start by appreciating the little things they already do, I assure you they will do more, and thank you for it!

3. Admiration.

Now, you may be saying, you’ve gone too far, admiration? Yes, admiration.

Admiration, in this context simply means you admire some aspect of him. Perhaps, it’s his sense of humor, or his work ethic, or the way he treats his family and friends. The key here is to find some aspect that you do admire about him and tell him.

Admiration for a man goes hand-in-hand with respect. Men know that a woman most often can only fall in love with a man she respects.

If you’re with a man that for any reason you don’t respect, please let him go. You only be hurting yourself and him in the long run.

However if you do respect him, the greatest gift you can give a man is to tell him, I respect you.
Respect, inspires a man to be a better man.

You have all the cards to be with the man you want.
The 3 keys to remember are acceptance, appreciation, and admiration.

When you accept a man the way he is right now. You are building a strong foundation for a long-term relationship.

When you appreciate what he’s already doing. when he gets the sense that he can make you happy. He will feel that he can win with you and it will inspire him to no end.

When you admire and respect a man, you give him the confidence to be his best self. Men choose a woman for the long-term by the way he feels when he’s with you.

It’s a simple equation to understanding what good men want. Acceptance, appreciation, and admiration. When you give them to a man, he will fall deeply in love with you.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, I’d love to connect. Here’s my calendar link to make finding time easy.

By James Hanrahan

3 Agreements To Make Before You Have Sex

I’ve got new rules, I count them.
When you meet a guy you have chemistry with it’s magical. Finally, after dating guys, you don’t like you meet someone you do.
You don’t want to talk about it because it feels so good. However, you’ve been down this road a few times and you know that having a hot night doesn’t require a conversation, your body will take care of that, but having a relationship does.
With that in mind here are three agreements to make before you decide when to have sex if you’re interested in a long-term relationship.

1. Exclusivity 

For a one-night stand exclusivity doesn’t need to be worked out it’s a one night stand. If you want a long-term relationship the first agreement you want to consider making is do you want to be exclusive? And what does that look like?
There are two parts to this question. One is, do you want to be sexually exclusive, meaning you only have sex with each other. And second, do you want to be socially exclusive meaning you portray yourself as someone in a relationship not as someone who is still single on dating apps etc.
You may think this is obvious however if you’ve ever slept with a guy and then went online and saw him still on an app you know what I’m talking about.
2. Continuity.
Continuity is about how often you’re going to see each other. If you’re having a one night stand than agreeing that you just want to see each other for one night is continuity.
If you’re looking for something more than agreeing to see each other regularly will give you a foundation to do that.

Continuity usually plays out over time, however, seeing if someone wants to have it with you is important.

Relationships are built over time and shared experiences. Continuity is the key for that to happen.
3. Longevity.
If there’s one agreement that’s missing when a new coaching client calls me it’s longevity.
Their exclusive, they see each other regularly but they have no idea what each other’s long-term plan is.
This is especially dangerous with men. Men live by a simple code when it comes to sex; the less said the better. Unfortunately, this code is not in your best interest or his if you want long-term relationship.
Longevity simply means you’re establishing if you want to build something together and what your long-term relationship goals are. I.e. are you aiming towards marriage and children or just having a lifetime partner? Or are you at a point in life where you’re exploring meeting different people? The point is to find out and agree that you’re both on the same page.
Now for the important questions. When do you have this conversation? And when do you make these agreements?
There are two steps to this answer. Obviously, if you’re following along you want to have it before you have sex however, there is one step that comes before it. That step is you want to get to know him better.
For example; he asks you for sex, let’s be real he doesn’t ask you, he just makes a move on you and hopes it works out. At which point you say “I really like you and I’m attracted to you. You’re funny, smart and sexy etc, however, I don’t feel comfortable having intercourse until I get to know you better. What do you think?”
If he agrees to get to know you better it gives you time to establish a courtship where you can find out if you like him based on his actions. Does he want to see you regularly? Does he ask you to be his girlfriend and be exclusive? In your conversations does he start to make long-term plans with you and invite you to meet his family and friends?
If over time you feel comfortable and you’re ready to have intercourse with him. The next time he makes a move on you which he will. Say “I really appreciate you taking the time to get to know me. I feel really comfortable with you, you’re smart, sexy and funny etc. However, before we have sex I want to ask you. Do you want to be monogamous with me sexually and socially? Do you want to see me regularly? Do you see me as someone you want to have a long-term relationship with aiming towards the possibility of marriage and children? Or as a life partner?”
You may be worried about killing the moment and spontaneity. To which I say to you people who know how to love have the ability to make and keep agreements. A relationship is a series of kept agreements. Once you establish these three agreements you’re on the way to building a life together with all the spontaneity and moments you could ever ask for. Consider it.
The 3 agreements are; exclusivity, continuity, and longevity. Ask for them and watch your relationship come to life in a way that will surprise you. There’s magic in what you ask for. It’s how a man falls in love with you.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men’s secrets to fall in love in A Life of Love.
 

By James Hanrahan

3 Ways How Men Bond With Women For the Long Run

Here are the ingredients of a man in it for the long-run.

When you meet a guy who’s attracted to you, it’s great. But, as you know from experience this is not enough.

After you’ve seen a few guys come and go it becomes important to know how men bond with women.

With that in mind, here are 3 ways a guy will bond with you if you have them in this order.

1. He starts out slow.

A guy who can be in a relationship for the long run starts out slow. I call it starting at level 5. He takes his time getting to know you because he knows it takes more than just chemistry to be in a relationship.

Guys who start at level 10 are all about chemistry. They start out strong and want to be with you all the time. The challenge is they can’t keep up the pace and quickly lose interest because they’re not building anything with you.

A guy who starts at level 5 has room to grow and bond with you. It takes time and shared experiences to bond with a guy. A guy who can be with you for the long run starts out slow. He wants to know you.

2. He builds momentum.

Men bond as they build momentum with you. It shows as he starts to see you more and make you a part of his life.

It’s not enough that he starts slow there has to be a feeling that he is building momentum with you.

If you find yourself getting into a pattern of just seeing him once a week for a date over a long period of time, then he doesn’t have momentum with you.

A guy with momentum starts making plans ahead and ask you how you feel about them. He’s not just living week to week with you.

A good question to ask yourself is “do you feel you have momentum with him?”

3. He has an eye for the finish line.

The final piece of the puzzle is men bond when they commit to you.

This happens when he asks you to stop dating other people and be exclusive with him.

When he starts talking about and making long-range plans with you.

When he’s introducing you to family and friends and you’re becoming a part of his life. And finally of course when he asks you to marry him.

You will notice that he wants to take more and more responsibility for you. This means he includes you in his decisions in life and asks you how you feel about them. In other words, he wants to build a life with you.

Men bond when they start out slow and get to know you as a human being. Time and shared experiences are the way a man opens his heart.

Momentum is key for a man. A man who’s building with you is bonding with you.

A man who can see the finish line and shares his vision with you is a man you can be with for the long run.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men’s secrets to fall in love in A Life of Love.

By James Hanrahan

3 Ways To Keep Him Interested In A Relationship With You

When you meet a guy you like it can seems like a miracle.

When he starts out treating you like a queen, it’s exciting.

The hard part is when he starts slowing down, not texting as much, not calling and planning dates. This can lead you to believe he’s not interested in you.

With that in mind here are three ways to keep him interested and to understand how men think.

1. The slow down.

It’s natural when a guy first meets you for him to want to spend all his time with you. He’s focused on the goal of being with you. The infatuation phase is like a bubble for just the two of you.

It’s also natural after a few weeks for him to slow down. This is not necessarily a bad thing.

Since he’s probably been neglecting his friends, work and hobbies he’s just coming back into balance. For a guy to have a relationship with you, in the long run, he will need to integrate you into the rest of his life.

The key is to not take it personally and ask him what’s wrong.

Once you understand that this is natural, give him space and he will come bouncing back to you.

2. He takes you for granted.

Once a guy has you he considers you part of his life. This may seem like bad news because he takes you for granted.

Actually, ironically this is good news because he now considers himself to be in a relationship with you.

I’m not suggesting that he can treat you badly, I’m suggesting that he treats you as a normal, everyday part of his life. This is a very good thing that means you can start building a life together.

3. Keep your boundaries.

While he may be normalizing, you want to remind him that the courtship of you is not over.

You do this by not accepting last-minute invitations and by spending time with your friends and your hobbies.

You may be tempted to want to spend all your time with him, but trust the spaces in between.

Men fall in love when they’re away from you.

When he slows down know that it’s natural and don’t try to speed him back up.

If you start to think he’s taking you for granted, reframe it. This means you’re part of his life which is a good thing, within reason.

Always keep your boundaries and let him know when things don’t feel good.

This is the key to keeping him interested because it causes him to stretch to be in a relationship with you.

Your boundaries require him to be a better man. This is the unconscious reason he fell in love with you in the first place and the reason your relationship will last for the long run.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men’s secrets to fall in love in A Life of Love.

By James Hanrahan

3 Secret Ways To Tell He’s Crazy About You

When you want to know if a guy likes you, it’s important to know what to look for.

The confusion starts when you start to analyze what he’s saying.
There’s an easier way, in fact there are three telltale signs he’s crazy about you.
With that in mind, here are the three things to look for.
1. He wants to give to you.
When a man is crazy about you, he can’t help but want to give you things.
Dinners, movies and gifts may seem unimportant or outdated, but when a man consistently gives them to you. He’s falling in love.
For your part saying “thank you for ____” fill in the blank, is music to his ears and will keep the dance going.
2. He wants to protect you.
While this may seem primitive, it’s still instinctual for man who cares about you to want to protect you.
The modern day version of this is that he cares about the condition of your car, that you get home okay, etc.
He cares about where you are in time and space and pays attention to how you’re doing.
3. He cares about how you feel.
When a man starts to care about how you feel in regards to what he’s doing. He’s definitely crazy about you.
This means the long-term relationship switch in his brain is turned on.
This is especially true when you have a disagreement and he takes your feelings into consideration.
Men fall in love when they give, make no mistake about it. 
If he makes an effort to protect you and cares where you are in time and space, the green light is on.
When he tells you what he thinks and asks you how you feel about it, he’s wiring himself for a relationship. In other words, he’s crazy about you.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men’s steps to fall in love in A Life of Love.

By James Hanrahan

The One SECRET Word That Makes A Man Commit Fast

You know he wants you. He can’t keep his hands off of you and he’s trying to tear your clothes off.

However you’ve been down this road before and you know, tearing your clothes off doesn’t lead to commitment.

Before you decide “what the hell what’s one more hay-ride.” Might I suggest you use the one secret word that makes a man commit fast.

Now I’m not saying you’re not going to meet resistance. You’re going to have to be comfortable with that.

Also you’re going to have to use this word at the right time. Let’s start with when’s the right time.

The right time is when he wants to have intercourse with you. I’m going to be specific here, because if you’re just making out, that’s not the right time.

The right time is when he wants to have intercourse with you.

Once he wants to have intercourse with you, you’re ready for the magic word. The magic word is “UNTIL.” Until? James until what? Well that depends on where you’re at.

For example; let’s say you just met a guy at the club, you’ve been dancing all night and he wants to go home with you. You’re making out in the car, when you are invited to the proverbial your place or mine.

Then “UNTIL” becomes. For example; “I really like you and appreciate you inviting me to your place or mine however I don’t feel comfortable doing that UNTIL I get to know you better. What do you think?”

The use of “UNTIL” allows you to:

1. Let a man know that you like him.

2. That you have boundaries and requirements.

3. What those boundaries and requirements are.

A man commits fast when he realizes he cares about you how you feel, respects what you think, and is willing to negotiate with you.

“UNTIL” allows you to set a standard that he can commit to. It takes you out of the category of a hook up and into the category of a serious relationship.

Once a man agrees to take the time to get to know you, he’s on the way to being committed to you fast.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men’s secrets in A Life of Love.

(Interview) Finding Your Soulmate Dating Success Journey
3 Things Men Want More Than Sex
3 Agreements To Make Before You Have Sex
3 Ways How Men Bond With Women For the Long Run
3 Ways To Keep Him Interested In A Relationship With You
3 Secret Ways To Tell He’s Crazy About You
The One SECRET Word That Makes A Man Commit Fast