James Allen HanrahanJames Allen Hanrahan
03
Jan, 2021

By James Hanrahan

3 Keys To Avoid Heartbreak And Make A Relationship Last Forever

Just about every relationship starts with an element of fantasy. In some ways, it has to, to get off the ground.

Imagination makes things possible but, it can also break your heart. We know relationships are often dangerous territory, but it’s rarely enough to stop us.

With that in mind, here are 3 keys to help you avoid heartaches and find a relationship that will last forever. The first of course starts with what attracts many of us in the first place…

1. Fantasy

When you first meet a guy you have chemistry with your head can really start spinning. You can begin to imagine a future together. The chemistry can be so strong you can almost think of nothing else.

This is normal and it’s easy to get carried away. To avoid heartache it’s important to not get too lost in fantasy, and make sure you’re taking the time to get to know a man for who he truly is.

Most men start out fast, but you’re going to need to take your time and be realistic if you’re going to make it to the finish line.

Relying on fantasy and chemistry can only take you so far, (usually 3 months) if you’re really going to make it you’re going to need this…

2. Friendship 

With all the buildup that comes from having chemistry, we can often miss whether we actually like the person we’re with.

This is where friendship comes in, it allows you to find your feet. If the two of you can spend time together doing a variety of things besides having sex, you can begin to establish whether or not you also have a friendship.

I call it filling in the other 23 hours. This means you are comfortable being together morning, noon and night. In other words, you are capable of enjoying and spending your days together, and it’s not just a series of intermittent nights.

3. Family 

Relationships that last are with people we consider to be family. They could be longtime friends or actually family members. The introduction of a partner to our family and friends and the introduction to theirs gives a relationship lasting power.

In isolation, the two of you can fall into a hook-up. With family, you can become part of a team. Family and friends give us a sense of openness and discovery. We are connected by sharing each other with the people who are dearest to us. It also gives us accountability.

Most relationships that last forever are built on a common goal. When we can see ourselves, either starting a family or becoming part of a family, the connection helps us to get through the hard times.

Fantasy can get you started but it takes more than that to get you to the finish line. Let chemistry get you going, but let your friendship keep it going.

Friendship is your foundation, with it, you can build anything. Lovers who have the built-in attraction of friendship are capable of long-lasting relationships.

Our family and our friends are our longest-lasting relationships. When we make them a part of our lives together as a couple, we’re doing something that has a strong foundation; something that’s built to last.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for strong women based in Los Angeles who offers a free Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, and tired of dating the wrong guys, connect with him via his calendar link to make finding time easy.

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15
Dec, 2020

By James Hanrahan

3 Secrets Why Courtship Gets The Guy

In some ways, it’s never been easier to get a guy. A few swipes right and the parade appears. At the same time, disappearing acts have never been more prevalent. What’s a girl to do?

Getting a guy long-term requires a different strategy. It takes one that’s been proven for thousands of years.

With that in mind, here are 3 proven secrets of courtship used for centuries, that will help you not only to get a guy but keep him.

1 Time

In a world of instant gratification time is often the last thing we think of. However, courtship is a test of time and you can use it to your advantage.

One of the secrets to getting a guy and keeping him is to add the element of time. This means contrary to popular belief, and for best results, you get to know him slowly.

The most valuable thing we have is time. When a man is willing to invest his time to get to know you and be with you, he’s signaling you that his intent is sincere and he cares about you as a human being.

2 Space

The second secret of courtship with men is, men require space. Any semblance of pressure from you can turn them into a major flight risk.

The essence of courtship is one person chasing the other. Men love to chase they just don’t want to be caught. Knowing this will change your strategy and allow you to be pursued.

Space gives a man the feeling that it’s his idea and he’s coming toward you. When you don’t call or text him or try to run him down, for example, an authentic courtship can begin. Remember courtship is one person chasing the other, and it usually works best when your man does the chasing.

3 Play

Never forget that courtship at its essence is playful. Seriousness at the wrong time can turn your courtship into a drama.

Flirting, dropping a handkerchief, smiling, and looking in the eyes are all playful acts, that will lead you to something more serious.

Ironically, when a man feels you have the ability to play with him, he will take you more seriously. The key to the dance is that by playing with him, he will be enticed to win you over.

Courtship is definitely a test of time, it’s like planting a seed in the ground. It takes at least a year to get to know somebody and you want to see them in all seasons.

Music is created by the space between the notes. When you give a man room, he will be inspired to come closer to you. There’s no better feeling than when your patience in this regard pays off.

Playfulness makes a man want to be with you more and more. It’s the joys and challenges in life that keep us coming back.

History is full of courtships that have stood the test of time. Use the secrets of courtship and you will be amazed at your results.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for strong women based in Los Angeles who offers a free weekly Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, and tired of dating the wrong guys, connect with him via his calendar link to make finding time easy.

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07
Jan, 2019

By James Hanrahan

3 Things Men Want More Than Sex

You might think men want nothing more than sex. While, it is certainly often in their minds, there are three things that are more valuable to men than sex.

In order for a man to fall in love with you, he will unknowingly even to him be looking for these 3 things.

With that in mind, here are the 3 things men want more than sex. I hope these will inspire you to understand the men you date and what men really want when they fall in love with you.

1. Acceptance.

Men want acceptance for who they are right now. Not, who they are going to be in 5 or 10 years but for who they are in this moment.

We all want acceptance but, for men, it is the cornerstone of any long-term relationship.

A man knows that if you do not like his job, his friends, the way he spends his free time, etc. that in the long run, he will have no chance with you.

There’s a long-standing joke that when a man sees his woman as she’s walking down the aisle, he says she looks amazing I hope she never changes.

When a woman sees her man walking down the aisle, she says to herself, I can change him.

There’s a lot of truth in this joke. Men don’t change. If you can accept that, you’re on your way to really have a great man for the rest of your life. Because you already truly like him the way he is.

2. Appreciation.

Most good men follow a very simple equation. When you appreciate what they already do, they will do more.

Men fall in love when they give. They are literally looking for ways to give to you. However, if they get the impression that you don’t appreciate it, or they can’t make you happy, they will give up.

Appreciating what he already does may be very hard for you to do. Because, frankly, some men don’t do much. However, if you can simply start by appreciating the little things they already do, I assure you they will do more, and thank you for it!

3. Admiration.

Now, you may be saying, you’ve gone too far, admiration? Yes, admiration.

Admiration, in this context simply means you admire some aspect of him. Perhaps, it’s his sense of humor, or his work ethic, or the way he treats his family and friends. The key here is to find some aspect that you do admire about him and tell him.

Admiration for a man goes hand-in-hand with respect. Men know that a woman most often can only fall in love with a man she respects.

If you’re with a man that for any reason you don’t respect, please let him go. You only be hurting yourself and him in the long run.

However if you do respect him, the greatest gift you can give a man is to tell him, I respect you.
Respect, inspires a man to be a better man.

You have all the cards to be with the man you want.
The 3 keys to remember are acceptance, appreciation, and admiration.

When you accept a man the way he is right now. You are building a strong foundation for a long-term relationship.

When you appreciate what he’s already doing. when he gets the sense that he can make you happy. He will feel that he can win with you and it will inspire him to no end.

When you admire and respect a man, you give him the confidence to be his best self. Men choose a woman for the long-term by the way he feels when he’s with you.

It’s a simple equation to understanding what good men want. Acceptance, appreciation, and admiration. When you give them to a man, he will fall deeply in love with you.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, I’d love to connect. Here’s my calendar link to make finding time easy.

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17
Aug, 2017

By James Hanrahan

3 Ways How Men Bond With Women For the Long Run

Here are the ingredients of a man in it for the long-run.

When you meet a guy who’s attracted to you, it’s great. But, as you know from experience this is not enough.

After you’ve seen a few guys come and go it becomes important to know how men bond with women.

With that in mind, here are 3 ways a guy will bond with you if you have them in this order.

1. He starts out slow.

A guy who can be in a relationship for the long run starts out slow. I call it starting at level 5. He takes his time getting to know you because he knows it takes more than just chemistry to be in a relationship.

Guys who start at level 10 are all about chemistry. They start out strong and want to be with you all the time. The challenge is they can’t keep up the pace and quickly lose interest because they’re not building anything with you.

A guy who starts at level 5 has room to grow and bond with you. It takes time and shared experiences to bond with a guy. A guy who can be with you for the long run starts out slow. He wants to know you.

2. He builds momentum.

Men bond as they build momentum with you. It shows as he starts to see you more and make you a part of his life.

It’s not enough that he starts slow there has to be a feeling that he is building momentum with you.

If you find yourself getting into a pattern of just seeing him once a week for a date over a long period of time, then he doesn’t have momentum with you.

A guy with momentum starts making plans ahead and ask you how you feel about them. He’s not just living week to week with you.

A good question to ask yourself is “do you feel you have momentum with him?”

3. He has an eye for the finish line.

The final piece of the puzzle is men bond when they commit to you.

This happens when he asks you to stop dating other people and be exclusive with him.

When he starts talking about and making long-range plans with you.

When he’s introducing you to family and friends and you’re becoming a part of his life. And finally of course when he asks you to marry him.

You will notice that he wants to take more and more responsibility for you. This means he includes you in his decisions in life and asks you how you feel about them. In other words, he wants to build a life with you.

Men bond when they start out slow and get to know you as a human being. Time and shared experiences are the way a man opens his heart.

Momentum is key for a man. A man who’s building with you is bonding with you.

A man who can see the finish line and shares his vision with you is a man you can be with for the long run.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men’s secrets to fall in love in A Life of Love.

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11
Jul, 2017

By James Hanrahan

3 Ways To Keep Him Interested In A Relationship With You

When you meet a guy you like it can seems like a miracle.

When he starts out treating you like a queen, it’s exciting.

The hard part is when he starts slowing down, not texting as much, not calling and planning dates. This can lead you to believe he’s not interested in you.

With that in mind here are three ways to keep him interested and to understand how men think.

1. The slow down.

It’s natural when a guy first meets you for him to want to spend all his time with you. He’s focused on the goal of being with you. The infatuation phase is like a bubble for just the two of you.

It’s also natural after a few weeks for him to slow down. This is not necessarily a bad thing.

Since he’s probably been neglecting his friends, work and hobbies he’s just coming back into balance. For a guy to have a relationship with you, in the long run, he will need to integrate you into the rest of his life.

The key is to not take it personally and ask him what’s wrong.

Once you understand that this is natural, give him space and he will come bouncing back to you.

2. He takes you for granted.

Once a guy has you he considers you part of his life. This may seem like bad news because he takes you for granted.

Actually, ironically this is good news because he now considers himself to be in a relationship with you.

I’m not suggesting that he can treat you badly, I’m suggesting that he treats you as a normal, everyday part of his life. This is a very good thing that means you can start building a life together.

3. Keep your boundaries.

While he may be normalizing, you want to remind him that the courtship of you is not over.

You do this by not accepting last-minute invitations and by spending time with your friends and your hobbies.

You may be tempted to want to spend all your time with him, but trust the spaces in between.

Men fall in love when they’re away from you.

When he slows down know that it’s natural and don’t try to speed him back up.

If you start to think he’s taking you for granted, reframe it. This means you’re part of his life which is a good thing, within reason.

Always keep your boundaries and let him know when things don’t feel good.

This is the key to keeping him interested because it causes him to stretch to be in a relationship with you.

Your boundaries require him to be a better man. This is the unconscious reason he fell in love with you in the first place and the reason your relationship will last for the long run.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men’s secrets to fall in love in A Life of Love.

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06
Mar, 2017

By James Hanrahan

How To Get A Guy To Want A Relationship That Lasts The RIGHT Way

It’s been a few dates and now the guy you’re with wants to do something you’re uncomfortable with unless you’re in a relationship.

You explain this to him and then he magically disappears.

This leads us to believe he’s an uncommitted jerk, which may be true; or it’s not what you say it’s how you say it.

When you throw out the word relationship too soon men freeze.

For one; if there’s going to be a relationship it has to be his idea.

For two; a relationship is something that happens overtime and shared experiences. It’s not something you can ask for, it’s something that you have.

Look at your girlfriends. Did you ever ask them to be in a relationship?

Getting back to it’s not what you say it’s how you say it. After a few dates the truth is you’re not ready for a relationship. You are ready to get to know him better.

If he’s ready and you’re not ready to do something; for example sex. Use this formula.

First let him know what you like about him and how much you enjoy being with him. Then say however I feel I don’t want to have sex until I know you better. What do you think?

The answer is more valuable than the question.

Here you get to find out if he cares about your feelings. If he does, good news he will get to know you better.

If not, good news you won’t be wasting your time talking about having a relationship with someone who doesn’t care about your feelings.

It’s rare that you have to ask a man if you’re in a relationship. It usually means you’re not.

Actions speak louder than words especially when it comes to men. A man who’s willing to get to know you, is a man who wants a relationship that lasts, the right way.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men’s secrets in A Life of Love.

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3 Keys To Avoid Heartbreak And Make A Relationship Last Forever
3 Secrets Why Courtship Gets The Guy
3 Things Men Want More Than Sex
3 Ways How Men Bond With Women For the Long Run
3 Ways To Keep Him Interested In A Relationship With You
How To Get A Guy To Want A Relationship That Lasts The RIGHT Way