James Allen HanrahanJames Allen Hanrahan

By James Hanrahan

3 Agreements To Make Before You Have Sex

I’ve got new rules, I count them.
When you meet a guy you have chemistry with it’s magical. Finally, after dating guys, you don’t like you meet someone you do.
You don’t want to talk about it because it feels so good. However, you’ve been down this road a few times and you know that having a hot night doesn’t require a conversation, your body will take care of that, but having a relationship does.
With that in mind here are three agreements to make before you decide when to have sex if you’re interested in a long-term relationship.

1. Exclusivity 

For a one-night stand exclusivity doesn’t need to be worked out it’s a one night stand. If you want a long-term relationship the first agreement you want to consider making is do you want to be exclusive? And what does that look like?
There are two parts to this question. One is, do you want to be sexually exclusive, meaning you only have sex with each other. And second, do you want to be socially exclusive meaning you portray yourself as someone in a relationship not as someone who is still single on dating apps etc.
You may think this is obvious however if you’ve ever slept with a guy and then went online and saw him still on an app you know what I’m talking about.
2. Continuity.
Continuity is about how often you’re going to see each other. If you’re having a one night stand than agreeing that you just want to see each other for one night is continuity.
If you’re looking for something more than agreeing to see each other regularly will give you a foundation to do that.

Continuity usually plays out over time, however, seeing if someone wants to have it with you is important.

Relationships are built over time and shared experiences. Continuity is the key for that to happen.
3. Longevity.
If there’s one agreement that’s missing when a new coaching client calls me it’s longevity.
Their exclusive, they see each other regularly but they have no idea what each other’s long-term plan is.
This is especially dangerous with men. Men live by a simple code when it comes to sex; the less said the better. Unfortunately, this code is not in your best interest or his if you want long-term relationship.
Longevity simply means you’re establishing if you want to build something together and what your long-term relationship goals are. I.e. are you aiming towards marriage and children or just having a lifetime partner? Or are you at a point in life where you’re exploring meeting different people? The point is to find out and agree that you’re both on the same page.
Now for the important questions. When do you have this conversation? And when do you make these agreements?
There are two steps to this answer. Obviously, if you’re following along you want to have it before you have sex however, there is one step that comes before it. That step is you want to get to know him better.
For example; he asks you for sex, let’s be real he doesn’t ask you, he just makes a move on you and hopes it works out. At which point you say “I really like you and I’m attracted to you. You’re funny, smart and sexy etc, however, I don’t feel comfortable having intercourse until I get to know you better. What do you think?”
If he agrees to get to know you better it gives you time to establish a courtship where you can find out if you like him based on his actions. Does he want to see you regularly? Does he ask you to be his girlfriend and be exclusive? In your conversations does he start to make long-term plans with you and invite you to meet his family and friends?
If over time you feel comfortable and you’re ready to have intercourse with him. The next time he makes a move on you which he will. Say “I really appreciate you taking the time to get to know me. I feel really comfortable with you, you’re smart, sexy and funny etc. However, before we have sex I want to ask you. Do you want to be monogamous with me sexually and socially? Do you want to see me regularly? Do you see me as someone you want to have a long-term relationship with aiming towards the possibility of marriage and children? Or as a life partner?”
You may be worried about killing the moment and spontaneity. To which I say to you people who know how to love have the ability to make and keep agreements. A relationship is a series of kept agreements. Once you establish these three agreements you’re on the way to building a life together with all the spontaneity and moments you could ever ask for. Consider it.
The 3 agreements are; exclusivity, continuity, and longevity. Ask for them and watch your relationship come to life in a way that will surprise you. There’s magic in what you ask for. It’s how a man falls in love with you.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men’s secrets to fall in love in A Life of Love.
 

By James Hanrahan

3 Ways How Men Bond With Women For the Long Run

Here are the ingredients of a man in it for the long-run.

When you meet a guy who’s attracted to you, it’s great. But, as you know from experience this is not enough.

After you’ve seen a few guys come and go it becomes important to know how men bond with women.

With that in mind, here are 3 ways a guy will bond with you if you have them in this order.

1. He starts out slow.

A guy who can be in a relationship for the long run starts out slow. I call it starting at level 5. He takes his time getting to know you because he knows it takes more than just chemistry to be in a relationship.

Guys who start at level 10 are all about chemistry. They start out strong and want to be with you all the time. The challenge is they can’t keep up the pace and quickly lose interest because they’re not building anything with you.

A guy who starts at level 5 has room to grow and bond with you. It takes time and shared experiences to bond with a guy. A guy who can be with you for the long run starts out slow. He wants to know you.

2. He builds momentum.

Men bond as they build momentum with you. It shows as he starts to see you more and make you a part of his life.

It’s not enough that he starts slow there has to be a feeling that he is building momentum with you.

If you find yourself getting into a pattern of just seeing him once a week for a date over a long period of time, then he doesn’t have momentum with you.

A guy with momentum starts making plans ahead and ask you how you feel about them. He’s not just living week to week with you.

A good question to ask yourself is “do you feel you have momentum with him?”

3. He has an eye for the finish line.

The final piece of the puzzle is men bond when they commit to you.

This happens when he asks you to stop dating other people and be exclusive with him.

When he starts talking about and making long-range plans with you.

When he’s introducing you to family and friends and you’re becoming a part of his life. And finally of course when he asks you to marry him.

You will notice that he wants to take more and more responsibility for you. This means he includes you in his decisions in life and asks you how you feel about them. In other words, he wants to build a life with you.

Men bond when they start out slow and get to know you as a human being. Time and shared experiences are the way a man opens his heart.

Momentum is key for a man. A man who’s building with you is bonding with you.

A man who can see the finish line and shares his vision with you is a man you can be with for the long run.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men’s secrets to fall in love in A Life of Love.

By James Hanrahan

What Guys Are REALLY Looking For In A Relationship

When you first meet a guy you like, you have questions. You want to know if he’s serious about having a relationship? Does he want to have children? What his long-term plans are?

While these are important questions they are not the first questions on the man’s mind.

Before he’s ready to answer your questions. There are three questions he’s asking himself; you’re not even aware of.

Here are the three things a guy is looking for in a relationship.

1. Banter. For a man, a relationship begins with the ability to talk in a playful, non-logical way.

It’s often a running joke that gets you started speaking to each other in the first place.

Banter is a creative way to discover you. Men love a mysterious woman who slowly unfolds. He wants to court you.

2. Fun. Simply put, it has to be fun to be with you. You may think this is overly simplistic when looking for a relationship.

For man to take on the responsibility of marriage and children. He has to know it’s fun to be with you along the way.

Men are practical romantics. Banter and fun lead them into a serious relationship, with this last final thing.

3. A better man. Men marry virtue. They marry a woman who makes them a better man.

This happens when you allow a man to court you and win you over.

When he finds himself doing things he wouldn’t ordinarily do for the sake of the team. You have awakened his desire to be a better man.

Men fall in love when they give. Courtship is when a man discovers he’s in love with you.

A guy is looking for a playful, non-logical banter that creates a new world for the two of you.

When you’re having fun, you can get you through anything. Laughter is a good sign it’s fun to be with you.

When a man finds himself inspired to be a better man, because you let him court you. All your relationship questions will be answered with a resounding… “yes, I do.”

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men’s secrets in A Life of Love.

By James Hanrahan

3 Clues Of Marriage Minded Men You Can’t Miss

Sometimes it can seem like finding a marriage minded man is impossible.

Finding a guy who can string together a second date is hard enough.

However success leaves clues. I want to share with you three clues to a man who’s ready for commitment.

1. He’s smitten. He can’t just like you he has to be downright smitten. Men who are smitten will go to extraordinary lengths to be with you.

You may be surprised at how enthusiastic he is. You might even think he’s over the top. However make no mistake, he has to be crazy about you.

1. He’s about 10 years older. I know, but hear me out. This isn’t a hard and fast rule however I’ve seen it work; time and time again. Men your own age tend to be competitive with you.

They’re also often looking for someone to play with, not someone to build with.

Older men tend to be more focused on what they can give to you. They value you as a woman. They want to build with you, because they know it makes life better.

3. He has a plan. A man with a plan is able to create a future. He knows he wants you and he does what it takes to make it happen.

He will tell you what he thinks, and asks you how you feel about it.

Please note: A man has to have a plan for himself before he can have a plan for you. Once he does, he’s ready to share life with you.

The three clues are: he has to be smitten. This is nonnegotiable. The more smitten the better.

Ten years older is a good rule of thumb, however it’s not a hard and fast rule. Try it, you might like it.

He has to have a plan for himself that includes you. A man with a plan is a man you can build with.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of information in Dating Advice for Alpha Women.

By James Hanrahan

How To Recognize A MAN Who’s A Keeper

If you’ve ever wondered what makes a man a keeper they’re easy to recognize.

There’s a distinct difference from a man who is going somewhere and a man who isn’t.

I want to take the mystery out of it for you, with these three ways to tell when he’s a keeper.

1. He’s got momentum. For a man to make it in the long run he has to have momentum. If he stalls out anywhere along the way you’re about to go nowhere.

This means from the moment he meet you his plans intensify. He wants to see you more, he wants to introduce you to his friends and family, he makes long-range plans with you.

Momentum is super important for a man and it can literally by itself tell you, if he has it, he’s a keeper.

2. He wants to do things for you. When a man is in love with you he wants to give you things and do things for you. You don’t have to ask because he’s way ahead of you.

He’s literally looking for things to do for you. He checks your car to see if you have enough gas. He takes heavy things out of your hands and carries them. He keeps an eye on you to make sure you’re comfortable.

3. He makes and keeps agreements. This is what separates the men from the boys. Real men have no problem making commitments to you and keeping them.

A relationship is a series of kept agreements. You can consider a man a keeper when he does what he says he’s going to do consistently.

A man who can have a long-term relationship with you has momentum.

He wants to do things for you. He makes and keeps agreements and he looks forward to making them with you.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for SMART women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re an smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of information in A Life of Love.

3 Agreements To Make Before You Have Sex
3 Ways How Men Bond With Women For the Long Run
What Guys Are REALLY Looking For In A Relationship
3 Clues Of Marriage Minded Men You Can’t Miss
How To Recognize A MAN Who’s A Keeper