what guys are looking for Archives - James Allen Hanrahan

Dec, 2020

The Real Reason Why Men Aren’t Falling In Love Anymore

When is the last time you received a love letter from a guy? The problem is many men are not falling in love anymore.

Will, they hit you up? Absolutely. Will they stay with you? Well, that’s becoming a problem.

With that in mind, here is the real reason why men aren’t falling in love and what to do about it. This knowledge will be a game-changer for your love life.

1. Sex

Contrary to what some may believe, men do not usually fall in love when they have sex. It does not by itself create intimacy, rather it exposes whether you have it or not.

Sex revolves around initial chemistry which can go as fast as a comes. The illusion of closeness that sex can give you can mask the fact that on a deeper level you really don’t know each other.

Friendship is often best built before sex enters a relationship. In order for a man to fall in love with you, it’s helpful for him to get to know you as a human being first.

2. Time

Time gives you the opportunity to evaluate and gain insight into the man you’re dating. The journey of falling in love takes time.

Relationships are an investment of time and energy. When a man invests the time to get to know you as a human being he begins to demonstrate his character.

Men are often way ahead of themselves. They will ask you to go on trips, to have sex, and to become their girlfriend way before they’re ready.

Slowing a man down is one of the best ways to give him the opportunity to fall in love with you. Encourage his enthusiasm, but slow down his speed.

3. Friendship

We are often lead to believe that friendship and love are two entirely different things. But are they? Can a man truly love you if he has not befriended you?

Friendship demonstrates the character of the man you’re with. Does he make and keep his agreements? Does he demonstrate integrity in all aspects of his life? Does he treat you with concern, and care about your feelings?

When we underestimate the importance of falling in love with someone who demonstrates friendship we’re often shocked when they leave abruptly.

It’s usually not a lack of chemistry that ends a poorly conceived relationship, it’s a lack of friendship. Character is the lasting quality to look for, it’s demonstrated in a friendship and in a lover.

Sex in itself will not give you intimacy. In fact, people often avoid intimacy by having sex.

Time is what gives a man a runway to fall in love with you. When you understand this, it will change the trajectory of your love life.

Friendship is one of the biggest clues you’re falling in love with the right person. If you’re continually doubting the character and trustworthiness of a man you’re with, you’re usually with the wrong man.

Men fall in love when you require them to take the time to get to know you and building a friendship with you. Friendship is foundational to your well-being and it’s the real reason that without it, men are not falling in love anymore.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for strong women based in Los Angeles who offers a free Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, and tired of dating the wrong guys, connect with him via his calendar link to make finding time easy.

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Dec, 2020

By James Hanrahan

3 Things Men Want In A Lasting Relationship

When you first meet a guy, it’s hard to tell what a man wants. The sex aspect becomes apparent almost immediately, but the question becomes how is this going to turn into a lasting relationship?

Most men are not eager to jump into a committed relationship. It’s going to take some finesse. In fact, the only true way to make a man enter into a long-term relationship is to make it his idea.

With that in mind, here are three ways to catch him off guard, and put his mind at ease. Once you lower his defenses the rest will come naturally.

1. Banter

You may believe that a list of relationship questions will help you find the right man. While this may be true, this is not how most men approach relationships.

Banter is what makes a man want to spend more time with you. It catches him thinking about you and wanted to tell you more.

It’s the thread that connects your days together and it allows him to feel comfortable with you. Banter puts a man at ease with you and lets him know he can be himself.

2. Laughter

You may believe that having a serious conversation with a guy will get him to commit. While there’s a time and place for everything, leading with a serious conversation, is often a red flag for men.

Laughter is a sign you have a good feel for each other. It makes the hard days easier and the good days even better. A man wants a woman who laughs easily and forgives when necessary.

When he can count on you to see the humor in things he will become far less defensive. Laughter is what makes him see you as a true companion. Happy women are a relationship magnet to men. It keeps him coming back for more.

3. Connection

Men often talk about this fabled-word called “connection.” Probably because even though they want it, they can’t define it.

Day-to-day life and long-term relationships begin and end with connection. At our core, there are two things we desperately want, to be heard, and to be known.

Connection to a man means you get what he’s about, you understand his purpose and his passions.
A man makes you part of his life almost seamlessly. He connects you to the people and places that are important to him.

The banter gets you in the game. It makes a man feel at ease with you and makes him want more.
Laughter is a seal that’s even stronger than a kiss. It will keep you together through the hard times.

When you hear your man and take an interest in his passions and concerns, he will feel the connection, and he will want to build with you.

Relationships are a team game, and when you speak with his interests and concerns in mind, with laughter and banter along the way, he begins to feel the connection. This is what men want in a lasting relationship with you.

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Jan, 2019

By James Hanrahan

3Things Your Guy Is DYING To Hear (But Might Not Know How To Ask For)

We all know that men don’t like to talk much. There may be words he is dying to hear from you but he won’t mention it. However, when he hears them they are magical.

We all want to hear kinds words And know that the people we love care about us. As a woman, you will want to know what men like to hear. It will create a special bond for your relationship.

With this in mind, Here are 3 words every man likes to hear. These words have an inspirational effect on a man. They inspire him to be a better man and want to have a relationship with you.

1. I respect you.

Perhaps no other word is more important to a man than the word respect. When you tell a man you respect him you are letting him know that you accept him as he is.

By letting him know that you respect the way he treats his family and friends. That his career and productivity in the world are things you admire, he will feel respected.

When you tell a man you respect him you inspire him to see you as an important part of his life. When you respect him, he will want to build with you. Make no mistake about it, respect is definitely a word he’s dying to hear.

2. I appreciate you.

If there’s a close second in the word categories appreciate is a strong contender. When you tell a man that you appreciate him you have struck a chord in his soul.

As simple as this may sound a man derives a large portion of his self-worth by knowing that he can make you happy. Telling a man that you appreciate him is confirmation that what he’s doing is having an affect.

You might say that appreciation to a man is what affection is to a woman. It is a way in which he feels loved. Once you trigger a man that he is appreciated he will want to spend more time with you.

3. I accept you.

In a man’s world acceptance is the key word in his life. He wants to know you accept him the way he is now. It might not be something you outright say it is more something you do.

Acceptance is expressed when you to resist the urge to change him or criticize him. Men are well aware of their faults and when they find that it’s easy to be with you and that you’re willing to work with them. A man will feel accepted.

We all want to know that it’s okay to make mistakes and not be perfect. This is the gift of acceptance you can give to a man.

The keywords a man likes to hear are, I respect you, I appreciate you, and I accept you.

Tell the man you’re with I respect what you think and what you do. Ask him questions and for his advice. The most powerful phrase you can say to a man is “What do you think?”

I appreciate you will inspire him to no end. Once he gets a taste for making you happy he’ll be hooked. Men never get tired of hearing how much you appreciated something he did.

We all want to be accepted. This is something a man will feel from you. It is a byproduct of feeling respected and appreciated. But, make no mistake about it a man wants to be accepted because acceptance for anyone is the foundation of lasting love.

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Jan, 2019

By James Hanrahan

(Interview) Finding Your Soulmate Dating Success Journey

I want to share these 3 interview questions I answered with you because they shed light on my journey, that I want to share with you to help you with yours.

1. Tell us about your success journey as a dating expert.

To be honest, my success journey as a dating expert started when I met my wife. Until then, I was just dating. When I met her, she asked me a question no one had ever asked me before. “are you serious?”

From that moment on I became serious about being married, and about learning everything I could about relationships.

Shortly thereafter, I met my Mentor Dr. Pat Allen. A relationship expert for over 40 years and best-selling author of “Getting To I Do.”

I was fortunate enough to spend over four years with her, training, asking her questions, and eventually writing two books with her. “A Life Of Love” and “Dating Advice for Alpha Women.”

2. What advice would you give to those who want to find true love in 2019?

Get in the game. I strongly encourage all my private clients to start dating someone.

You learn when you’re in the game. At which point you can get feedback. This is how you learn about yourself and what it takes for you to be in a relationship.

I suggest you go to workshops, events, concerts, and classes etc. Places were you can meet like-minded people who have a similar interest.

Do things you already enjoy. For example; I met my wife dancing salsa. But, I already liked dancing salsa.

Do things you love to do that put a smile on your face, and love will have a chance to find you while you’re doing them!

3. Do you believe that there is only one true soulmate for everyone? If so, how do we attract our soulmate?

I don’t believe that we have only one true soulmate. I think that everyone we date for any amount of time is a tremendous gift to us. They are our teachers. They’re teaching us one of two things, either what we want, or what we don’t want. Both are valuable.

I call the people who are not destined to be our soulmate, muscle builders. They are an important part of our journey towards meeting our soulmate. I also don’t believe that we meet our soulmate. I believe that people become our soulmate by walking with us.

It’s the people who want to work with us, and don’t expect us to be perfect, who want us to be our authentic self, who are willing to make and keep agreements with us, who want to establish a trustworthy record with us over time, that become our soulmate. And, isn’t that what we all want?

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for strong women based in Los Angeles who offers a free Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, connect with him via his calendar link to make finding time easy.

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Jul, 2017

By James Hanrahan

What Men Really Want In A Relationship (But Don’t Know How To Ask For)

If you’ve ever wondered what men really want in a relationship you’re not alone. Is it sex? Is it love? Is it friendship? Even guys themselves can’t really tell you.

However, there is one thing that men crave. It’s something they can’t do without even though they’re not aware of it.

Sure sex is fun and falling in love is exciting. Everyone knows that friendship is an important part of a relationship, but if you really want to know what men want, you have to understand how they think.

With that in mind, here’s what men really want.

1. Respect.

Men want respect. Men intuitively know that you can only fall in love with a man you respect.

What does respect look like for a man? It means you’re willing to follow his lead and direction.

It’s a simple as, being willing to go where he wants to take you. Being available when he asks you out.

These simple acts signal a man it’s possible to have a relationship with you.

They also give you the opportunity to explore who he is and what he has to offer you.

Men go with women who they believe respect them and who they think they can give a better life.

2. Real men come on strong.

A man who knows what he wants goes after it. This might take some getting used to on your part.

Follow him unless he asks you to do something you don’t feel comfortable with; in which case use your veto right to say “no.”

Men often get ahead of themselves including asking for sex they’re not ready to have. However, it’s not your job to squash their enthusiasm, it’s to let them know what your boundaries are.

3. Dance with him.

Men really want you to move with them. They want to know that you respect who they are and how they are in the world.

When you respect a man he will do anything for you. Men marry women who respect them.

You want a man who comes on strong, knows what he wants and is willing to lead.

You dance with him and let him lead to find out how he handles reality.

A good man always takes your feelings into account. He asks you how you feel about what he thinks and wants.

What do men really want? Respect. How do you give it to him? By being available to explore his leadership to see if he’s the right guy for you.

Will he come on strong? I hope so. I hope he tells you what he wants and asks you how you feel about it.

Dance with him. Find out how he handles reality. If you find out over time that you respect him. He may very well be the right man for you.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men’s secrets to fall in love in A Life of Love.

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May, 2017

By James Hanrahan

3 UNMISTAKABLE Signs a Man’s in Love With You

When you want to know if a man is in love with you, it doesn’t matter what he says. It matters what he does.

For men love is a verb and when he’s in love with you, he takes action.

With that in mind, here are three actions that are clear signs he’s in love with you.

1. Momentum.

Men are all about momentum. From the moment he meets you and gets your number, if he calls you right away and makes an effort to see you, he’s on his way to being in love with you.

If he can wait a few weeks to see you, or sees you once and then waits for another month, he doesn’t have momentum and he’s wasting your time.

The first thing to look for is, does he have momentum.

2. Escalation.

Lots of guys start out fast. They want to see you all the time and then suddenly vanish.

A guy who’s falling in love with you, wants to build something with you.

This means he wants to do a variety of things with you. He wants you to meet his friends, his family etc. you feel he’s including you in his life.

Escalation means he’s not just dating and having sex with you. He’s building a life with you and adding complexity to what you do together.

3. Responsibility.

When a man falls in love with you he suddenly wants to give up his freedom that he values so highly, and be responsible for you.

This simply means he takes your feelings into account and there are no sudden disappearing acts. He makes and keeps agreements with you without hesitation.

When a man falls in love with you being in a relationship is his idea. He asks you to be exclusive because he doesn’t want to lose you. He has momentum and he’s goal oriented. The goal is to be with you.

He invites you into his life and you feel the relationship is escalating. You sense, he cares about how you feel and he welcomes the responsibility to make long-range plans with you. These are the signs, and this is how to tell a man’s in love with you.

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Apr, 2017

By James Hanrahan

The REAL Reason Why Men Suddenly Disappear On You Solution

When you first met him, he could do no wrong. Now he’s your boyfriend or at the very least, soon to be.

Unfortunately along with this title comes the real reason why a guy suddenly disappears.

It’s subtle, and you’re probably not even aware you’re doing it, because you just want him to do better.

This is understandable, however it’s all in how you do it. Let’s look at why he disappears, and the solution on how to change it.

!. Obligation.

To put it simply, obligation is not attractive.

When a man feels obligated to spend time you, have sex with you, or give you affection because he’s your boyfriend and should be doing those things, he’s on the way to disappearing.

Is there anything wrong with wanting those things? Of course not. it’s just that obligation is not the way to get them.

Here’s a better way to get them. It’s the very way you got them in the first place.

2. Attraction.

When a man feels the weight of obligation he suddenly wants space. The moment he has space he remembers he’s attracted to you.

For a man attraction happens because it’s fun to be with you, just like when you met him.

The ironic things is once he’s attracted to you, he’ll do anything for you. Just like in the beginning. Why? Because it’s his idea.

3. The tipping point.

Before a man disappears, he will ask himself. “Am I obligated to be in this relationship or am I attracted to her?”

Attraction happens naturally when you remove obligation from the equation. He will suddenly remember why he likes you, and want to do things with you.

If you have chemistry and connection, you already have something magical. The tipping point works in your favor when you allow attraction to guide your relationship. Attraction is the solution at your finger tips, just like when you first met.

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Mar, 2017

By James Hanrahan

How To Build ATTRACTION That Lasts Forever

When you meet a guy, either you have chemistry or you don’t.

No matter how good a guy is on paper, if your body doesn’t like him, you’ve got no chance.

However, attraction is something you can build. There are three keys to creating attraction you want to know, if you want a relationship that lasts.

1. Anticipation. Building attraction requires anticipation. This means if you want to have a long-term relationship you need to start thinking long-term.

The way to do this is to remember that anticipation outranks consummation.

In other words, the longer you wait before you have sex, the more attraction you’ll build.

Sex doesn’t build attraction, anticipation does.

2. Have a fight. I’m not saying go out of your way to have a fight. I’m saying you don’t really know someone until you do.

Attraction is increased when you’re able to stay with people, even on the days when you don’t like them.

Having a fight is not what builds attraction. It’s the ability to get through it, that makes your attraction stronger.

3. Make a commitment. When you’re sitting on the fence, not much happens in any aspect of your life. When you commit to another human being you awaken attraction you might not even know you had.

Attraction is built when you can count on someone to do what they say they’re going to do.

A relationship is a conversation that doesn’t end, and a series of kept agreements. This is the practical definition of lasting love.

If you want to build attraction that lasts you’ll need anticipation. Fighting is not the end of a relationship, it’s a sign you’re beginning to care.

A commitment takes your chemistry to another level. A level where you can build your attraction into a love that lasts forever.

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Feb, 2017

By James Hanrahan

3 Clues Of Marriage Minded Men You Can’t Miss

Sometimes it can seem like finding a marriage minded man is impossible.

Finding a guy who can string together a second date is hard enough.

However success leaves clues. I want to share with you three clues to a man who’s ready for commitment.

1. He’s smitten. He can’t just like you he has to be downright smitten. Men who are smitten will go to extraordinary lengths to be with you.

You may be surprised at how enthusiastic he is. You might even think he’s over the top. However make no mistake, he has to be crazy about you.

1. He’s about 10 years older. I know, but hear me out. This isn’t a hard and fast rule however I’ve seen it work; time and time again. Men your own age tend to be competitive with you.

They’re also often looking for someone to play with, not someone to build with.

Older men tend to be more focused on what they can give to you. They value you as a woman. They want to build with you, because they know it makes life better.

3. He has a plan. A man with a plan is able to create a future. He knows he wants you and he does what it takes to make it happen.

He will tell you what he thinks, and asks you how you feel about it.

Please note: A man has to have a plan for himself before he can have a plan for you. Once he does, he’s ready to share life with you.

The three clues are: he has to be smitten. This is nonnegotiable. The more smitten the better.

Ten years older is a good rule of thumb, however it’s not a hard and fast rule. Try it, you might like it.

He has to have a plan for himself that includes you. A man with a plan is a man you can build with.

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Jan, 2017

By James Hanrahan

What Men LOOK For In Strong Women They Want

A man is turned on by what he sees. However he’s attracted to what he can’t see.

There will never be a man as strong as a woman inside. This is demonstrated by her ability to say no, the flexibility of her yes, and by her standards.

Let’s look at how these three things come together to create the total package.

1. Standards. When a strong woman has standards, it allows a man to know where he stands at any time in the relationship.

When a man is attracted to you. He wants to know one simple thing. What does it take to be with you?

When you answer this question with your standards and you say no to anything that is below your standards. You give him a roadmap of what it takes to be with you.

2. Saying no. As much as a man will try anything to get you to say yes the strength of a woman is in her ability to say no.

Men are attracted to women who know how they feel. When as a strong woman you say no to what doesn’t feel good. A man suddenly wakes up and values you. Men are inspired by what takes effort to obtain.

3. The total package. A real man is looking for the total package. For men this means a woman who isn’t afraid to say yes and knows when to say no.

Saying yes to a man turns him on, he sees you as flexible and available. Saying no to a man inspires him to do what he knows he can do better.

A strong woman knows how to give a man three things that he wants.

Standards that give him a roadmap of what’s required to be with you.

The flexibility of your yes, and the firmness of your no. This total package attracts a man to you in a way that lasts.

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