James Allen HanrahanJames Allen Hanrahan

By James Hanrahan

3 Agreements To Make Before You Have Sex

I’ve got new rules, I count them.
When you meet a guy you have chemistry with it’s magical. Finally, after dating guys, you don’t like you meet someone you do.
You don’t want to talk about it because it feels so good. However, you’ve been down this road a few times and you know that having a hot night doesn’t require a conversation, your body will take care of that, but having a relationship does.
With that in mind here are three agreements to make before you decide when to have sex if you’re interested in a long-term relationship.

1. Exclusivity 

For a one-night stand exclusivity doesn’t need to be worked out it’s a one night stand. If you want a long-term relationship the first agreement you want to consider making is do you want to be exclusive? And what does that look like?
There are two parts to this question. One is, do you want to be sexually exclusive, meaning you only have sex with each other. And second, do you want to be socially exclusive meaning you portray yourself as someone in a relationship not as someone who is still single on dating apps etc.
You may think this is obvious however if you’ve ever slept with a guy and then went online and saw him still on an app you know what I’m talking about.
2. Continuity.
Continuity is about how often you’re going to see each other. If you’re having a one night stand than agreeing that you just want to see each other for one night is continuity.
If you’re looking for something more than agreeing to see each other regularly will give you a foundation to do that.

Continuity usually plays out over time, however, seeing if someone wants to have it with you is important.

Relationships are built over time and shared experiences. Continuity is the key for that to happen.
3. Longevity.
If there’s one agreement that’s missing when a new coaching client calls me it’s longevity.
Their exclusive, they see each other regularly but they have no idea what each other’s long-term plan is.
This is especially dangerous with men. Men live by a simple code when it comes to sex; the less said the better. Unfortunately, this code is not in your best interest or his if you want long-term relationship.
Longevity simply means you’re establishing if you want to build something together and what your long-term relationship goals are. I.e. are you aiming towards marriage and children or just having a lifetime partner? Or are you at a point in life where you’re exploring meeting different people? The point is to find out and agree that you’re both on the same page.
Now for the important questions. When do you have this conversation? And when do you make these agreements?
There are two steps to this answer. Obviously, if you’re following along you want to have it before you have sex however, there is one step that comes before it. That step is you want to get to know him better.
For example; he asks you for sex, let’s be real he doesn’t ask you, he just makes a move on you and hopes it works out. At which point you say “I really like you and I’m attracted to you. You’re funny, smart and sexy etc, however, I don’t feel comfortable having intercourse until I get to know you better. What do you think?”
If he agrees to get to know you better it gives you time to establish a courtship where you can find out if you like him based on his actions. Does he want to see you regularly? Does he ask you to be his girlfriend and be exclusive? In your conversations does he start to make long-term plans with you and invite you to meet his family and friends?
If over time you feel comfortable and you’re ready to have intercourse with him. The next time he makes a move on you which he will. Say “I really appreciate you taking the time to get to know me. I feel really comfortable with you, you’re smart, sexy and funny etc. However, before we have sex I want to ask you. Do you want to be monogamous with me sexually and socially? Do you want to see me regularly? Do you see me as someone you want to have a long-term relationship with aiming towards the possibility of marriage and children? Or as a life partner?”
You may be worried about killing the moment and spontaneity. To which I say to you people who know how to love have the ability to make and keep agreements. A relationship is a series of kept agreements. Once you establish these three agreements you’re on the way to building a life together with all the spontaneity and moments you could ever ask for. Consider it.
The 3 agreements are; exclusivity, continuity, and longevity. Ask for them and watch your relationship come to life in a way that will surprise you. There’s magic in what you ask for. It’s how a man falls in love with you.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men’s secrets to fall in love in A Life of Love.
 

By James Hanrahan

The 3 Secrets Why Men Don’t Commit [According to A Guy]

If you’ve been with a guy for a while and you see no signs of commitment. There are three BIG reasons why a man doesn’t commit.

Fortunately for you, they’re all things you can do something about.

Because while he may have many excuses why he can’t commit right now, the solution boils down to these three secrets.

1. There’s no risk of losing you.

When you live with a guy, or spend all your time at his place, you’re basically a free wife.

The first reason he won’t commit to you is, there’s no risk of losing you.

The main reason a man takes on the responsibility of marrying you is, he doesn’t want to lose you.

It’s as simple as, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. [I’ll share with you how to change this in a minute.]

Which brings us to the second reason why he won’t commit.

2. He’s too comfortable.

When he’s already getting all the sex and companionship he wants from you, without taking on any responsibility. The next problem you have is, he’s too comfortable.

He may blame his job, or his financial situation, or any other number of excuses. However if a man really wants something he will move heaven and earth to get it.

However, if he’s already getting you for free, the real problem is he’s too comfortable.

3 Take things off the table.

The good news is, you have a solution. It’s time to take things off the table.

There’s only one way for a guy to find out he can’t live without you. There has to be the risk of losing you.

If you’re ready to take things off the table the first thing and the biggest thing to take off the table is sex.

To do this say, “I’ve really enjoyed our year plus of being together however I don’t feel comfortable continuing to have sex without an engagement ring and/or an agreement for a wedding date within the next six months to a year.” Pause. Followed by “what do you think?”

I know it’s a mouthful. However if there’s no risk of losing you and he’s too comfortable; if you don’t take things off the table, chances are nothing is going to change. [ to get coaching click here.]

You’re going to meet resistance, he may even pull away or decide to break up with you. Whatever it is, be patient, hold your ground, don’t argue with him and let him figure it out.

In the end this is not about him. It’s about your own self-worth and self-value. The reason why men don’t commit is because they don’t feel they have to. The reason they do commit is because you require it, and you’re worth it.

If he’s up for the challenge he’s your man, if not, he’s someone else’s boy.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men’s secrets to fall in love in Dating Advice for Alpha Women.

By James Hanrahan

3 UNMISTAKABLE Signs a Man’s in Love With You

When you want to know if a man is in love with you, it doesn’t matter what he says. It matters what he does.

For men love is a verb and when he’s in love with you, he takes action.

With that in mind, here are three actions that are clear signs he’s in love with you.

1. Momentum.

Men are all about momentum. From the moment he meets you and gets your number, if he calls you right away and makes an effort to see you, he’s on his way to being in love with you.

If he can wait a few weeks to see you, or sees you once and then waits for another month, he doesn’t have momentum and he’s wasting your time.

The first thing to look for is, does he have momentum.

2. Escalation.

Lots of guys start out fast. They want to see you all the time and then suddenly vanish.

A guy who’s falling in love with you, wants to build something with you.

This means he wants to do a variety of things with you. He wants you to meet his friends, his family etc. you feel he’s including you in his life.

Escalation means he’s not just dating and having sex with you. He’s building a life with you and adding complexity to what you do together.

3. Responsibility.

When a man falls in love with you he suddenly wants to give up his freedom that he values so highly, and be responsible for you.

This simply means he takes your feelings into account and there are no sudden disappearing acts. He makes and keeps agreements with you without hesitation.

When a man falls in love with you being in a relationship is his idea. He asks you to be exclusive because he doesn’t want to lose you. He has momentum and he’s goal oriented. The goal is to be with you.

He invites you into his life and you feel the relationship is escalating. You sense, he cares about how you feel and he welcomes the responsibility to make long-range plans with you. These are the signs, and this is how to tell a man’s in love with you.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of  men’s secrets to fall in love in Dating Advice for Alpha Women.

By James Hanrahan

The Turn Him ON Slow Formula That Attracts Quality Men

When a guy likes you, he’s turned on and he can’t help himself. His enthusiasm is off the charts. He wants to see you all the time and he’s got big plans.

Enthusiasm is important and you want a man to have it. The only problem is it distorts his sense of reality. This is where you come in.

In order to turn his enthusiasm into reality you’re going to have to slow him down without squelching his enthusiastic bliss.

The hard part is to turn his enthusiasm into responsibility. This is done by letting him know what you require to be in a relationship.

Men demonstrate love by what they’re willing to be responsible for. This means you can count on him for more than just the feeling of love.

Slowing a man down allows him to consider the more practical aspects of a relationship. It requires him to come up with a plan.

The first way to slow a man down and the most sobering is to not have intercourse with him until you get to know him better.

You do this by letting him know that you think he’s smart, funny, handsome etc. however you don’t feel comfortable having intercourse until you get to know him better.

This allows him to get to know you as a human being, not just someone he’s attracted to.

When a man gets overly focused on sex, he loses sight of reality and stops making plans with you.

Slowing him down allows him to stay enthusiastic about having a relationship with you and winning you over. When a man is focused on reality and creating a definitive plan for you, he’s turned on slow and you’re on your way to having a long-term relationship.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for SMART women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of information in A Life of Love.

3 Agreements To Make Before You Have Sex
The 3 Secrets Why Men Don’t Commit [According to A Guy]
3 UNMISTAKABLE Signs a Man’s in Love With You
The Turn Him ON Slow Formula That Attracts Quality Men