What works with men Archives - James Allen Hanrahan

Dec, 2020

3 Signs You’re In The Wrong Relationship

It is so hard to tell when you’ve met the right person. It starts with chemistry, but this is no guarantee that it will be the right relationship for you.

One way to get a handle on what you want is to know what you don’t want. There are a few red flags that can be indicators you’re in the wrong relationship, and knowing them can save you a lot of heartaches.

With that in mind, here are 3 signs you’re in the wrong with a relationship that will help you decide what’s right for you.

1. It’s work

The old adage is, relationships take work. While there is an obvious truth to this, it shouldn’t be like you’re pushing a rock uphill, only to watch it roll back down again.

Work that accomplishes nothing and where you see no improvement or change is a sign you in the wrong relationship.

There needs to be a willingness and openness to change in a partner, along with the ability to take personal responsibility, otherwise, it can be extremely frustrating and you will get nowhere.

2. Fatigue

If you find yourself exhausted from unproductive fighting, this is also a sign you may be in the wrong relationship. Productive fighting is not the end of a relationship, in fact, it’s often the beginning, however, unproductive and unresolved fighting is a red flag.

Emotional stress takes its toll and one of the signs you have it, is your nerves become raw and you feel extremely fatigued.

If you find yourself, often at your wit’s end, it may be time to examine what your body is trying to tell you because the body doesn’t lie.

3. Confusion

When you continually find yourself not understanding what’s going on in a relationship, the mixed signals can give you a sense that confusion is setting in.

Confusion is often a sign and tactic of toxic people in your life. People with the ability to love are straightforward and can make and keep agreements. If you constantly find yourself wondering what’s going on, maybe it’s because there’s something wrong.

Clarity comes from the ability to ask for what you want and says no to what you don’t want. If you are often in confusion, it may be time to approach your partner and see if you can make agreements. People who know how to love can make and keep agreements, people who don’t know how to love, often make agreements they just don’t keep them.

Work is something we do with the intention to improve. If you are just spinning your wheels, this is not a good sign.

Fatigue is telling you something because when you’re emotions are being drained the body will demonstrate it.

Confusion can cause you to second-guess yourself and often keep you in the wrong relationship. Check-in with yourself and trust your intuition.

Being in the wrong relationship can take its toll on you, but being aware of the signs can give you clarity and put you back on the road to what you want.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for strong women based in Los Angeles who offers a free Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, and tired of dating the wrong guys,connect with him via his calendar link to make finding time easy.

bad dates, dating wrong guy, how to tell he's unavailable, trouble dating men, What works with men, why relationships end, you know he's wrong 0

Dec, 2020

By James Hanrahan

3 Ways Men See Relationship Questions Differently

When you meet a guy, you can tell almost instantly that he’s thinking differently than you. As a dating and relationship coach for women and men, you can only imagine how different the relationship questions are.

Understanding men is an art which few women take the time to do; understanding women… Well for men, that’s almost impossible .but it’s well worth the effort

With that in mind, here are the three top “relationship questions” men and women ask me daily, that are keeping them mystified by each other unnecessarily.

1. Will it last?

A perennial favorite for women and a sheer terror for men. The difference is, women are painfully aware of the possibility of wasting their time.

Men on the other hand, often woefully overestimate their ability to make a relationship last, focusing on the moment, and many times defaulting to a “we’ll see how it goes” mentality.

Every relationship needs a plan and a purpose. With a goal in mind, it becomes possible to enjoy the moment together.

2. What’s next?

In fairness to men, and perhaps not to women, not a day goes by that a female client doesn’t say to me subconsciously, “that was great and I’m glad he did it, but what’s next?”

I am consistently encouraging my female clients to “savor the moment” along the way.” This is in direct contrast to my male clients who often, all they do is savor the moment.

Men are often more methodical and take a step-by-step approach going from A-to-B. Meaning if A works out I’ll go to B.

Women often go from A-to-Z Skipping crucial steps that men need to demonstrate along the way. If a man hasn’t demonstrated he can keep simple agreements; like calling when he says he’s going to. How will he be able to keep more complex agreements?

3. Is it serious?

This question is perhaps the one with the sharpest contrast of all. For men the first question is; is it fun to be with her? And for a man, this is a serious question.

Without this first component, it is impossible for them to consider being serious about the relationship.
This may seem like a frivolous question, but is it? If you don’t enjoy being with someone what is the point?

Men and women balance each other out in a relationship, in a way only they can, to help each other grow.

For women, “will it last?” Is a fair relationship question to ask yourself first, to make sure the man you’re considering is qualified for your relationship goal.

“What’s next?” May take you out of the moment, and rob you of the opportunity to get close to your man in the present.

Ironically, men are often more serious than they appear. Their step-by-step approach often gives you time to evaluate, consider, and reflect on what will be the biggest decision of your life.

Although men may often see relationship questions differently, it doesn’t mean that they don’t hear you and take them to heart.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for strong women and men based in Los Angeles. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success and tired of dating the wrong guys, connect with him via his calendar link here to make finding time to speak with him easy.

asking for a commitment, how guys fall in love, long-term relationships with men, relationship questions for men, understanding men you date, What works with men, where's a relationship going 0

Dec, 2020

By James Hanrahan

3 Things Men Want In A Lasting Relationship

When you first meet a guy, it’s hard to tell what a man wants. The sex aspect becomes apparent almost immediately, but the question becomes how is this going to turn into a lasting relationship?

Most men are not eager to jump into a committed relationship. It’s going to take some finesse. In fact, the only true way to make a man enter into a long-term relationship is to make it his idea.

With that in mind, here are three ways to catch him off guard, and put his mind at ease. Once you lower his defenses the rest will come naturally.

1. Banter

You may believe that a list of relationship questions will help you find the right man. While this may be true, this is not how most men approach relationships.

Banter is what makes a man want to spend more time with you. It catches him thinking about you and wanted to tell you more.

It’s the thread that connects your days together and it allows him to feel comfortable with you. Banter puts a man at ease with you and lets him know he can be himself.

2. Laughter

You may believe that having a serious conversation with a guy will get him to commit. While there’s a time and place for everything, leading with a serious conversation, is often a red flag for men.

Laughter is a sign you have a good feel for each other. It makes the hard days easier and the good days even better. A man wants a woman who laughs easily and forgives when necessary.

When he can count on you to see the humor in things he will become far less defensive. Laughter is what makes him see you as a true companion. Happy women are a relationship magnet to men. It keeps him coming back for more.

3. Connection

Men often talk about this fabled-word called “connection.” Probably because even though they want it, they can’t define it.

Day-to-day life and long-term relationships begin and end with connection. At our core, there are two things we desperately want, to be heard, and to be known.

Connection to a man means you get what he’s about, you understand his purpose and his passions.
A man makes you part of his life almost seamlessly. He connects you to the people and places that are important to him.

The banter gets you in the game. It makes a man feel at ease with you and makes him want more.
Laughter is a seal that’s even stronger than a kiss. It will keep you together through the hard times.

When you hear your man and take an interest in his passions and concerns, he will feel the connection, and he will want to build with you.

Relationships are a team game, and when you speak with his interests and concerns in mind, with laughter and banter along the way, he begins to feel the connection. This is what men want in a lasting relationship with you.

how guys fall in love, how men fall in love, how men pick women they want, how to build attraction that lasts, how to find a great guy long-term, marriage minded men, what guys are looking for, What works with men 0

Jun, 2019

By James Hanrahan

3 Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend To Find Out If He’s Marriage Material

Having a boyfriend is great! But sometimes you just don’t know where it’s going? You’ve been together but he hasn’t said anything about the future.

You can be wondering if there are questions you can ask your boyfriend to find out if he is marriage material?

This is a delicate subject because men typically don’t react well to these types of questions.

With this in mind, here are three questions you can ask your boyfriend to find out without him even knowing it if his marriage material.

1. You listen closely.

Before we get to the questions I have a question ask you. Have you been listening to what your boyfriend’s been saying? Does he have any plans for you to do things in the future? Have you met any of his family and friends?

The reason I ask this is that if none of these things have happened yet asking him a question to find out if he’s marriage material or not will be an act of frustration.

Any question you ask a man has to be based on what he’s already doing. If he is showing signs of future plans, this is already a sign that he is marriage material With no questions asked. But this is certainly not the end of it.

2. What do you require?

The most important question you ever have to ask is what do you require to be in a relationship with a man? The question to ask yourself before you ask him is what is it I want that I don’t have? And what is it I have that I don’t want? In this relationship.

The very reason you’re wondering what questions to ask your boyfriend to find out if his marriage material is that you never told him what it takes to be in a relationship with you.

There are three basic questions you can ask any man no matter how far along in a relationship you are or if it’s just beginning. They are foundational to any long-term relationship. And frankly, you may be surprised at the answers.

3. The 3 questions.

Hopefully, you’ve asked these questions at the beginning of your relationship, but if you’re like many of my coaching clients you haven’t.

The first question is proposed this way. “I know we’ve been together for quite a while but I made mistake and, this may seem obvious to you but, I never asked you, “do you want to be monogamous with me sexually and socially?“

Assuming his answer the first question was on point. The second question is “I really enjoy seeing each other however have you ever thought about how often you would enjoy seeing each other every week? What do you think is ideal for you?

Please remember we’re gathering information and if you don’t like the answers to the first two questions there’s no need to ask the third one.

But assuming you like where this is going. Here’s a third question and this is by far the most important question that I share with all my clients and I strongly insist that they require before they are ever starting a relationship.

But for the sake of this situation, here it is “I really enjoy being in our relationship however I made a mistake. I never asked you do you want to be in a long-term relationship and if things go well the possibility of marriage and children?”

Many of my clients balk at this particular question. It is the hardest one to ask, I know. However, if you do not ask it we will never know if a guy is wasting your time and it won’t be his fault! Because you never required a plan.

If you take nothing else away from this please before you spend any more time with a guy find out, does the guy you’re with want to build with you? Can he see a future aiming towards marriage and children? Is that what he wants? Share your vision and ask him what he thinks?

Once he starts talking listen closely. Avoid the temptation to argue with him or explain anything. To any statement he makes I want you to respond with “I understand.”

He may say things that are uncomfortable or painful for you to hear. However, if you can sit back and listen and stay firm on what you require for him to be in a relationship with you often times if you do not argue with him you will get it.

There are no guarantees but it has been my experience with my clients that it works. The reason is he doesn’t want to lose you but if there’s no risk of losing you there’s no reason for him to marry you or have a long-term plan.

What this in mind remember, 1. Listen 2. Be clear about what you require. 3. Ask him the three questions regarding monogamy, continuity, and longevity listed above.

Self-love is the ability to ask for what you want in a respectful way. Men are awakened and inspired by what you require, and the self-esteem you possess to believe you deserve it.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for strong women based in Los Angeles who offers a free Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, and tired of dating the wrong guys, connect with him via his complimentary call calendar link to make finding time easy.

how guys fall in love, how men pick women they want, how to make a relationship last, marriage minded men, what makes a relationship that lasts, what makes guys commit, What works with men 0

Jan, 2019

By James Hanrahan

3Things Your Guy Is DYING To Hear (But Might Not Know How To Ask For)

We all know that men don’t like to talk much. There may be words he is dying to hear from you but he won’t mention it. However, when he hears them they are magical.

We all want to hear kinds words And know that the people we love care about us. As a woman, you will want to know what men like to hear. It will create a special bond for your relationship.

With this in mind, Here are 3 words every man likes to hear. These words have an inspirational effect on a man. They inspire him to be a better man and want to have a relationship with you.

1. I respect you.

Perhaps no other word is more important to a man than the word respect. When you tell a man you respect him you are letting him know that you accept him as he is.

By letting him know that you respect the way he treats his family and friends. That his career and productivity in the world are things you admire, he will feel respected.

When you tell a man you respect him you inspire him to see you as an important part of his life. When you respect him, he will want to build with you. Make no mistake about it, respect is definitely a word he’s dying to hear.

2. I appreciate you.

If there’s a close second in the word categories appreciate is a strong contender. When you tell a man that you appreciate him you have struck a chord in his soul.

As simple as this may sound a man derives a large portion of his self-worth by knowing that he can make you happy. Telling a man that you appreciate him is confirmation that what he’s doing is having an affect.

You might say that appreciation to a man is what affection is to a woman. It is a way in which he feels loved. Once you trigger a man that he is appreciated he will want to spend more time with you.

3. I accept you.

In a man’s world acceptance is the key word in his life. He wants to know you accept him the way he is now. It might not be something you outright say it is more something you do.

Acceptance is expressed when you to resist the urge to change him or criticize him. Men are well aware of their faults and when they find that it’s easy to be with you and that you’re willing to work with them. A man will feel accepted.

We all want to know that it’s okay to make mistakes and not be perfect. This is the gift of acceptance you can give to a man.

The keywords a man likes to hear are, I respect you, I appreciate you, and I accept you.

Tell the man you’re with I respect what you think and what you do. Ask him questions and for his advice. The most powerful phrase you can say to a man is “What do you think?”

I appreciate you will inspire him to no end. Once he gets a taste for making you happy he’ll be hooked. Men never get tired of hearing how much you appreciated something he did.

We all want to be accepted. This is something a man will feel from you. It is a byproduct of feeling respected and appreciated. But, make no mistake about it a man wants to be accepted because acceptance for anyone is the foundation of lasting love.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for strong women based in Los Angeles who offers a free Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, and tired of dating the wrong guys, connect with him via his complimentary call calendar link to make finding time easy.

best ways to flirt, how guys fall in love, how to build attraction that lasts, marriage minded men, understanding men you date, what guys are looking for, what keeps him attracted, what men want in women, what men want to hear, What works with men 0

Jul, 2017

By James Hanrahan

What Men Really Want In A Relationship (But Don’t Know How To Ask For)

If you’ve ever wondered what men really want in a relationship you’re not alone. Is it sex? Is it love? Is it friendship? Even guys themselves can’t really tell you.

However, there is one thing that men crave. It’s something they can’t do without even though they’re not aware of it.

Sure sex is fun and falling in love is exciting. Everyone knows that friendship is an important part of a relationship, but if you really want to know what men want, you have to understand how they think.

With that in mind, here’s what men really want.

1. Respect.

Men want respect. Men intuitively know that you can only fall in love with a man you respect.

What does respect look like for a man? It means you’re willing to follow his lead and direction.

It’s a simple as, being willing to go where he wants to take you. Being available when he asks you out.

These simple acts signal a man it’s possible to have a relationship with you.

They also give you the opportunity to explore who he is and what he has to offer you.

Men go with women who they believe respect them and who they think they can give a better life.

2. Real men come on strong.

A man who knows what he wants goes after it. This might take some getting used to on your part.

Follow him unless he asks you to do something you don’t feel comfortable with; in which case use your veto right to say “no.”

Men often get ahead of themselves including asking for sex they’re not ready to have. However, it’s not your job to squash their enthusiasm, it’s to let them know what your boundaries are.

3. Dance with him.

Men really want you to move with them. They want to know that you respect who they are and how they are in the world.

When you respect a man he will do anything for you. Men marry women who respect them.

You want a man who comes on strong, knows what he wants and is willing to lead.

You dance with him and let him lead to find out how he handles reality.

A good man always takes your feelings into account. He asks you how you feel about what he thinks and wants.

What do men really want? Respect. How do you give it to him? By being available to explore his leadership to see if he’s the right guy for you.

Will he come on strong? I hope so. I hope he tells you what he wants and asks you how you feel about it.

Dance with him. Find out how he handles reality. If you find out over time that you respect him. He may very well be the right man for you.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men’s secrets to fall in love in A Life of Love.

what guys are looking for, what men are looking for in relationships, what men really want, what men want in women, What works with men 0

Apr, 2017

By James Hanrahan

What Guys Are REALLY Looking For In A Relationship

When you first meet a guy you like, you have questions. You want to know if he’s serious about having a relationship? Does he want to have children? What his long-term plans are?

While these are important questions they are not the first questions on the man’s mind.

Before he’s ready to answer your questions. There are three questions he’s asking himself; you’re not even aware of.

Here are the three things a guy is looking for in a relationship.

1. Banter. For a man, a relationship begins with the ability to talk in a playful, non-logical way.

It’s often a running joke that gets you started speaking to each other in the first place.

Banter is a creative way to discover you. Men love a mysterious woman who slowly unfolds. He wants to court you.

2. Fun. Simply put, it has to be fun to be with you. You may think this is overly simplistic when looking for a relationship.

For man to take on the responsibility of marriage and children. He has to know it’s fun to be with you along the way.

Men are practical romantics. Banter and fun lead them into a serious relationship, with this last final thing.

3. A better man. Men marry virtue. They marry a woman who makes them a better man.

This happens when you allow a man to court you and win you over.

When he finds himself doing things he wouldn’t ordinarily do for the sake of the team. You have awakened his desire to be a better man.

Men fall in love when they give. Courtship is when a man discovers he’s in love with you.

A guy is looking for a playful, non-logical banter that creates a new world for the two of you.

When you’re having fun, you can get you through anything. Laughter is a good sign it’s fun to be with you.

When a man finds himself inspired to be a better man, because you let him court you. All your relationship questions will be answered with a resounding… “yes, I do.”

how to date men, marriage minded men, understanding men you date, what men are looking for in relationships, what men think about women, What works with men 0

Mar, 2017

By James Hanrahan

3 How To Meet Men Offline EASILY Secrets

Maybe you’re tired of swiping and being swept. First, it keeps going nowhere. Second, the guys you meet just can’t seem to get it together.

Before you give up hope, let’s take a moment and go old-school. I want to share with you three ways you want to know, how to meet men offline easily.

1. Going old-school. When I say old school I mean it. Classes, workshops, events, places where you’re learning something.

The best way to meet a guy is in neutral territory. Classes allow you to get to know a guy without the pressure of dating him.

2. Introductions. When someone introduces you it gives you instant credibility.

The best is, to get a guy to introduce you to another guy. As men we understand if a guy introduces us to a woman; she’s available.

3. Ask a guy for help. This works really well and it doesn’t even matter what you say.

It’s as simple as “do you know how to” or “do you know where is” fill in the blank.

Don’t underestimate how effective this is. As a man I can tell you it works all the time.

When you nonchalantly open a conversation a man will step into it.

What makes these three ways so effective is they aren’t try-hard. You’re simply going about your life and meeting men.

I call it “strategic spontaneity.” Men love to meet a woman they didn’t even see coming. It makes him think meeting you was his idea. When this happens he’ll take over from there.

Remember to go old-school and learn something new.

Have a guy introduce you to another guy gives you instant credibility without being try-hard.

Nonchalantly asking a man for help, will have men walking straight into conversations with you.

A conversation is all you need; because a conversation is the beginning of a date.

best ways to flirt, how to date men, how to meet guys, how to meet men offline, online dating, online dating alternatives, quality men to date, trouble dating men, What works with men, where to meet quality guys 0

Mar, 2017

By James Hanrahan

How To Build ATTRACTION That Lasts Forever

When you meet a guy, either you have chemistry or you don’t.

No matter how good a guy is on paper, if your body doesn’t like him, you’ve got no chance.

However, attraction is something you can build. There are three keys to creating attraction you want to know, if you want a relationship that lasts.

1. Anticipation. Building attraction requires anticipation. This means if you want to have a long-term relationship you need to start thinking long-term.

The way to do this is to remember that anticipation outranks consummation.

In other words, the longer you wait before you have sex, the more attraction you’ll build.

Sex doesn’t build attraction, anticipation does.

2. Have a fight. I’m not saying go out of your way to have a fight. I’m saying you don’t really know someone until you do.

Attraction is increased when you’re able to stay with people, even on the days when you don’t like them.

Having a fight is not what builds attraction. It’s the ability to get through it, that makes your attraction stronger.

3. Make a commitment. When you’re sitting on the fence, not much happens in any aspect of your life. When you commit to another human being you awaken attraction you might not even know you had.

Attraction is built when you can count on someone to do what they say they’re going to do.

A relationship is a conversation that doesn’t end, and a series of kept agreements. This is the practical definition of lasting love.

If you want to build attraction that lasts you’ll need anticipation. Fighting is not the end of a relationship, it’s a sign you’re beginning to care.

A commitment takes your chemistry to another level. A level where you can build your attraction into a love that lasts forever.

how to attract guys, how to build attraction that lasts, understanding men you date, what guys are looking for, what men are attracted to, what men want in relationships, What works with men 0

Dec, 2016

By James Hanrahan

3 REAL Reasons You’re Chronically Single

What’s really going on in your dating life?

You’re dating but you’re not meeting anyone you like. You’re busy with life and you have a full calendar of things to do. You’re meeting guys but there not going anywhere. This has been going on for years.

While it may seem like you’re doing everything you can to meet a guy. Including calling your girlfriends about men. There are three things that are missing. Lets talk about them now.

1. You don’t answer calls. When a guy calls you, you don’t answer him for three days. When I ask you why you do this, you tell me that you don’t want to seem too available. That’s funny because a guy is looking for a woman who’s available.

When you finally do call him back after three days he doesn’t answer. And then guess what happens, he doesn’t call you for three days. Then we get into a game of who is cooler than who. The way we start a relationship is the way it ends, to avoid being chronically single. Answer his calls.

2. You’re chronically unavailable. When I guy finally gets hold of you and asks you for a date. You’re unavailable for two weeks. You then let him know that you can see him in three weeks.

While I appreciate that you’re busy and have a full life of friends and business. Did I mention that a guy is looking for a woman who’s available?

Being busy doesn’t make you cool, it just makes you unavailable. Real men don’t waste their time on women who aren’t available for three weeks.

3. You’re in charge. He asks you to go to the park and take a walk. You decide the park is too far away and you don’t like it outdoors. You’d rather go to the coffee shop by your house. Great you know what you want. The problem is real men are not accustomed to following you around, doing it your way.

While your request seems perfectly reasonable to you. It’s signals a man you’re not interested in being on a team, where you’re not the captain. I get arguments about this all the time, but in the end it really comes down to, are you willing to do things for the sake of the team that you wouldn’t ordinarily do.

When you answer his calls, he can make a plan with you. When a man meets you, to him it’s all about momentum. When he asks you to do something and you’re available, he has momentum. This signals him that you’re available. Available means this week not in three weeks.

Lastly do it his way. The reason you want to do it his way, is because you want to find out how he handles reality. You want to know if the way he lives life is something you would enjoy. Doing it your way may seem comfortable to you however let’s look at the results. Is not answering his calls, being unavailable, and being in charge, keeping you chronically single?

If you’re an Alpha woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of information in Dating Advice for Alpha Women.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love

dating mistakes you make, how to date guys, stop being single, What works with men, why you're still single 0

1 2

Tag : What works with men