James Allen HanrahanJames Allen Hanrahan

By James Hanrahan

Why Guys Lose Interest In You So Quickly

If you’ve ever had a guy suddenly lose interest in you after you thought you had something going, you know how painful it can be. There’s nothing like getting the rug pulled out from underneath you.
Is it something you said or something you did? There are so many unanswered questions, and he’s long gone before you can get to the bottom of it.

With this in mind, here are 3 critical reasons why guys suddenly lose interested in you, you’re going to want to know. These will give you the skills to have successful relationships in the future.

1. You had sex too soon.
Frankly, if I’m honest this could realistically be reasons number one, two, and three.
I often patiently walk my coaching clients through this painful step-by-step process until they finally get it. Like, I’m going to do with you now.
Hooking-up and having sex with a guy too soon distracts him from getting to know you as a human being.
The number one reason why guys disappear is they perceived you as a sex object and never really got to know you as a person.
This is an easy fix. When a guy is aiming towards a hook up with you or to have sex with you too soon. Simply state the following; “I’m really attracted to you. You’re funny, charming and sexy. However, I don’t feel comfortable having sex (I’m enjoying making out with you) until I get to know you better.” “What do you think?”
Will this lower your hook-up rates? Absolutely! Will some guys argue with you and complain? Absolutely!
Will a guy who is really into you and wants to get to know you, say “he understands and is willing to get to know you better?” Yes, and that’s what we’re looking for.
You want a guy who cares about how you feel and wants to make sure you’re comfortable. He’s not in a hurry, because he’s comfortable with himself. He enjoys the challenge of winning you over. This is how we separate the mature men who want a relationship from the boys.
2. You suddenly want commitments.
To be fair, this only happens when my clients haven’t followed step one. They get upset when they have sex with a guy too soon and then the guy suddenly becomes less attentive or loses interest. They want to know what’s going on, so they ask him.
The guy for his part thinks you’re cool with hooking- up because frankly, you did. He assumes no responsibility for your feelings because it wasn’t required to sleep with you, and he’s startled when you’re upset.
Then when you ask him about commitments and whether or not he’s really into you? You get a lot of backpedaling and wishy-washy answers until you don’t see him again.
This again is a simple fix. Please use step one, and then you won’t be calling me for advice on what to do in the morning. But, if you have to, no worries, I’m there for you. It won’t be the first time I’ve talked someone of the ledge.
3. You’re not compatible.
Sometimes you’re lives just doesn’t fit together. Men are often the first to recognize this. They realize you want to be married and have children. Or, his career is going to move him out of the state or country. He just doesn’t see a future with you.
And, sometimes since he didn’t take the time to get to know you he loses interest because he’s just not that into you. This usually happens when he wasn’t invested. He hadn’t spent the time to get to know you.
There’s nothing to do about this one. It is what it is. You’re looking for the right guy, and to do that you have to get comfortable losing the wrong ones.
Please, remember rule number one. It’s really rule number two and number three. Don’t have sex too soon. Courtship is a test of time. It will greatly reduce your return and starting overrates. 
Get a guy who wants to pass this test of time and he will be much more ready to be in a relationship with you.
The time to find out if he wants a relationship is before you have sex. Asking for commitments is a much harder sell afterward. As I said, it all comes down to rule one. Require him to get to know you first.
As you get to know a guy, sometimes he will suddenly lose interest because he doesn’t see the point in having a conversation about things that you are not compatible on.  He doesn’t want what you want, and he knows it.
For your part, it’s a good rule to only fight with people you’re going to build with. Resist the urge to argue with him, and if he doesn’t have the skills to communicate and negotiate with you, let him go.
Men are often like children, they want what they want until they get it. They lose interest in toys, and they fall in love with women who require them to get to know them. Be this type of woman. He’ll love you for it.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for strong women based in Los Angeles who offers a free Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, and tired of dating the wrong guys connect with him via his calendar link to make finding time easy.

By James Hanrahan

3 Real Reasons Why Men Cheat [Even When You’re His Girlfriend]

Cheaters never prosper.
When you’re dating a guy and he cheats on you it’s shocking.
You put all this time into building a relationship with him and now he’s liking a girl’s bikini picture on Facebook. Cheating is not about the severity of the action, it’s about the lack of integrity and disrespect you feel.

Before you start to argue with him about this, consider these three reasons why men cheat on you and what to do about it.

 1. She doesn’t know him.

One of the reasons a guy cheats on you with a girl he doesn’t even know is for that very fact she doesn’t know him.

You know him. You know his faults and weaknesses. You know he’s not happy with his job or how his career is going or not. Men define themselves by how productive they are in the world. When they’re not they can look to other women for validation.
With a new girl, he can pretend to be whoever he wants to be with no responsibility.
He’s looking for validation he’s not creating in his own life which brings us to the second reason why he cheats on you.

2. He doesn’t have his life together.

When a new coaching client calls and tells me she’s been dating a man for over a year and he still doesn’t have his life together I’m concerned. If after a year you still have no plan, you’re losing momentum and the relationship is stagnating. 

The reason this happens is a man has to have a plan for himself before he can have a plan for you.
Otherwise, he will engage you in endless fights about things he does that annoy you, but all you have is drama. The elephant in the room is not being addressed. It’s a smokescreen for the real issue which is reason number three.
3. He doesn’t have a plan.

Every relationship has to have a plan and a purpose. When a man doesn’t have a plan for your relationship it’s easy for him to drift off into cheating on you.

This is where you come in. It’s up to you to require a plan from a man in order for him to be with you. For example; ” I’ve really enjoyed our year plus of dating, however, I no longer feel comfortable dating without a long-term plan in mind. What do you think?” His answer will tell you everything you need to know about the relationship.

If he’s building a life with you i.e. getting married, having a baby, getting a house, he won’t be so easily distracted by other women.

Having a purpose is what keeps men focused on the goal of being with you. Don’t be afraid to define what that purpose is. Men marry women who love themselves enough to do this.
When a man isn’t secure in himself he’s attracted to women who don’t know him.

If his life isn’t together it will be difficult to get him to build a life with you.

For future consideration in case this one doesn’t work out; When you require a man to have a plan with you before you sleep with him, bond with him and stay with him for a year. Your results in love will change dramatically.

Generally, a man cheating on you is more a reflection of where he is in his life, rather than a reflection on you.
For your part remember to only be with a man with a plan and you will attract a lifelong partner who wants to build with you.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of information in Dating Advice For Alpha Women.
 

By James Hanrahan

3 Ways To Tell If He’s EVER Going To Be Ready To Commit

When you been dating a guy for a while it’s hard to tell if he’s ever going to be ready to commit.

One day he’s talking about getting you a ring and dreaming about a future, the next you’re getting the cold shoulder.

Before you spend any more time trying to figure him out. Here are three ways to tell if he’s ever going to be ready to commit.

1. A plan.

The first and most important thing is, does he have an actual concrete plan to commit.

Has he told you when he wants to get engaged or married to you? Or when he wants to get you a ring.

Without a specific time frame, you don’t have a plan, you have a dream.

Speaking of time if a man has been dating you for over a year and has no plan, it’s a major red flag he’s not going to commit.

When a guy is on the fence he tends to stay on the fence.

2. Purpose.

Every person and every relationship must have a purpose. If you and your guy or not aiming toward something, building a family, getting a house, getting married etc. the relationship will stagnate.

What makes a relationship exciting and causes you to grow are new challenges.

When you face them together your relationship gets stronger. Without them, your relationship will become boring and he’ll wonder why he’s not excited to see you.

Men have to have a purpose for themselves in life and for the relationship with you.

3. Time.

Men by nature don’t have a sense of urgency to have children. They’re perfectly fine with having children someday.

Unfortunately, this is not going to work for you. If you’re hoping by avoiding the topic and by having a good time, he will suddenly come around. This is a poor strategy.

Men are all about momentum. If after a year of dating you, he doesn’t have a plan you’re losing momentum.

I strongly suggest you require a plan, know what the purpose of your relationship is, and don’t let time slip away on you.

Men commit to what you require to be in a relationship. You have to know what that is for you. The key here is to love him, but not more than yourself.

When you’re willing to walk away when necessary from a man who doesn’t have a plan or a purpose, you’re ready to be with one who does.

Hopefully, you will inspire the guy you’re with to take the journey with you. Having a plan and a purpose are concepts a man can relate to.

Either way, you will know by his actions if he’s ever going to be ready to commit and you can decide what’s best for you. Love him, but not more than yourself.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men’s secrets to fall in love in Dating Advice for Alpha Women.

By James Hanrahan

How To Know When A Relationship Is REALLY Over

When you still have feelings for a guy it’s hard to tell when a relationship is really over.

It’s normal to have mixed feelings and for there to be a back-and-forth period.

However when a relationship is finally over you will have the feelings I’m about to describe to you.

But first let’s look at the feelings that show the relationship isn’t over.

1. You’re mad.

Unfortunately, when you’re mad you’re not done with the relationship. Anger means you still care and you still have hope that by fighting you can solve the problem.

This may or may not be true and fighting is not the end of a relationship. In fact, as I said, it’s a sign you’re not done yet.

2. You’re sad.

Feeling sad or hurt are strong emotions but, much like anger they still show you care and you have hope you can repair the relationship.

These feelings are valuable and it’s important to stay until the end of a relationship. Because if you don’t stay to the end of the relationship and get the lesson, you’ll repeat the lesson with someone else.

If you’re still mad or sad do everything you can to work things out or, until you reach the next two feelings that let you know when a relationship is over.

3. Apathy and Empathy.

Apathy and empathy are the signals to you that a relationship is over. Apathy means that you’re no longer mad or sad. You care about the person but you know longer have those charged feelings.

Empathy means you still care about the person, but you know longer feel drawn to try to work it out with them, because you’ve gotten the lesson.

How do you know when you’ve gotten the lesson? When you no longer want to repeat the lesson. You’re grateful for having had the person in your life, but you’re ready to move on, because you’ve changed.

If you’re still mad or sad, stay until you get the lesson, or you work things out. Apathy and empathy are the feelings you have when a relationship is over. They are the signs you’ve grown from the relationship and you’re ready to move on.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men’s secrets to fall in love in A Life of Love.

By James Hanrahan

The REAL Reason Why Men Suddenly Disappear On You Solution

When you first met him, he could do no wrong. Now he’s your boyfriend or at the very least, soon to be.

Unfortunately along with this title comes the real reason why a guy suddenly disappears.

It’s subtle, and you’re probably not even aware you’re doing it, because you just want him to do better.

This is understandable, however it’s all in how you do it. Let’s look at why he disappears, and the solution on how to change it.

!. Obligation.

To put it simply, obligation is not attractive.

When a man feels obligated to spend time you, have sex with you, or give you affection because he’s your boyfriend and should be doing those things, he’s on the way to disappearing.

Is there anything wrong with wanting those things? Of course not. it’s just that obligation is not the way to get them.

Here’s a better way to get them. It’s the very way you got them in the first place.

2. Attraction.

When a man feels the weight of obligation he suddenly wants space. The moment he has space he remembers he’s attracted to you.

For a man attraction happens because it’s fun to be with you, just like when you met him.

The ironic things is once he’s attracted to you, he’ll do anything for you. Just like in the beginning. Why? Because it’s his idea.

3. The tipping point.

Before a man disappears, he will ask himself. “Am I obligated to be in this relationship or am I attracted to her?”

Attraction happens naturally when you remove obligation from the equation. He will suddenly remember why he likes you, and want to do things with you.

If you have chemistry and connection, you already have something magical. The tipping point works in your favor when you allow attraction to guide your relationship. Attraction is the solution at your finger tips, just like when you first met.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of men’s secrets in Dating Advice for Alpha Women.

By James Hanrahan

The REAL Reason Men Want To Take A Break [According To A Guy]

If he wants to talk. Do you want to listen?

When a guy gears up and starts giving you his I want to take a break speech. It’s time to reconsider. It’s not him who needs a break, it’s you.

You spent a lot of time with this guy, and now he’s giving you the speech? Is that what you really want?

Speeches are for guys who are about to lie. Lie to themselves, and then lie to you. They always start with something dramatic.

Dramatic reasons like “I just don’t know where I’m going with my life.” “Or I’ve got a lot of pressure.” Sound good if you were a therapist.

Before you sign up for an extended leave of absence, consider this. Guys that don’t know what they want rarely figure it out over time.

What gets him to figure it out? The pain of losing you. I suggest you start that process right away. Here’s how to do it.

“You have every right to want to take a break and not see me, however I don’t feel comfortable. What do you think about ending the relationship right now?”

He’ll stumble out something like “ok, if that’s what you want.” And there you have your answer. If a man is not willing to fight for you, he doesn’t need a break. He’s broken.

Broken people never know what they want. They portray themselves as confused victims. If you stick around for this, you’re only hurting yourself.

When a guy says he wants a break, thank him for the experience. Let him know how much you’ve enjoyed your time together and you understand.

Remember when I guy says he needs a break, that means he’s broken. It has nothing to do with you, and it’s not your job to fix him. You can love him, just not more than yourself.

Thank him for the lesson. Thank God he didn’t waste anymore of your time and move on, a better relationship awaits you. We always trade up.

If you’re an Alpha women struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of information in Dating Advice for Alpha Women.

James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after dating and relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love.

Why Guys Lose Interest In You So Quickly
3 Real Reasons Why Men Cheat [Even When You’re His Girlfriend]
3 Ways To Tell If He’s EVER Going To Be Ready To Commit
How To Know When A Relationship Is REALLY Over
The REAL Reason Why Men Suddenly Disappear On You Solution
The REAL Reason Men Want To Take A Break [According To A Guy]