James Allen HanrahanJames Allen Hanrahan

By James Hanrahan

3 Real Reasons Why Men Cheat [Even When You’re His Girlfriend]

Cheaters never prosper.
When you’re dating a guy and he cheats on you it’s shocking.
You put all this time into building a relationship with him and now he’s liking a girl’s bikini picture on Facebook. Cheating is not about the severity of the action, it’s about the lack of integrity and disrespect you feel.

Before you start to argue with him about this, consider these three reasons why men cheat on you and what to do about it.

 1. She doesn’t know him.

One of the reasons a guy cheats on you with a girl he doesn’t even know is for that very fact she doesn’t know him.

You know him. You know his faults and weaknesses. You know he’s not happy with his job or how his career is going or not. Men define themselves by how productive they are in the world. When they’re not they can look to other women for validation.
With a new girl, he can pretend to be whoever he wants to be with no responsibility.
He’s looking for validation he’s not creating in his own life which brings us to the second reason why he cheats on you.

2. He doesn’t have his life together.

When a new coaching client calls and tells me she’s been dating a man for over a year and he still doesn’t have his life together I’m concerned. If after a year you still have no plan, you’re losing momentum and the relationship is stagnating. 

The reason this happens is a man has to have a plan for himself before he can have a plan for you.
Otherwise, he will engage you in endless fights about things he does that annoy you, but all you have is drama. The elephant in the room is not being addressed. It’s a smokescreen for the real issue which is reason number three.
3. He doesn’t have a plan.

Every relationship has to have a plan and a purpose. When a man doesn’t have a plan for your relationship it’s easy for him to drift off into cheating on you.

This is where you come in. It’s up to you to require a plan from a man in order for him to be with you. For example; ” I’ve really enjoyed our year plus of dating, however, I no longer feel comfortable dating without a long-term plan in mind. What do you think?” His answer will tell you everything you need to know about the relationship.

If he’s building a life with you i.e. getting married, having a baby, getting a house, he won’t be so easily distracted by other women.

Having a purpose is what keeps men focused on the goal of being with you. Don’t be afraid to define what that purpose is. Men marry women who love themselves enough to do this.
When a man isn’t secure in himself he’s attracted to women who don’t know him.

If his life isn’t together it will be difficult to get him to build a life with you.

For future consideration in case this one doesn’t work out; When you require a man to have a plan with you before you sleep with him, bond with him and stay with him for a year. Your results in love will change dramatically.

Generally, a man cheating on you is more a reflection of where he is in his life, rather than a reflection on you.
For your part remember to only be with a man with a plan and you will attract a lifelong partner who wants to build with you.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for STRONG women based in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula for lasting love. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of information in Dating Advice For Alpha Women.

By James Hanrahan

3 Reasons Why Men Cheat That Have ZERO To Do With Sex

Contrary to popular believe men don’t want to cheat. It’s often a last resort and oddly enough it’s often a last resort to stay in a relationship.

This next statement will sound strange. Men cheat because they love you. Otherwise they would just leave you. If you hear a man say “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” Here are 3 possible reasons that even he’s not aware of; why men cheat.

1. You’ve lost respect for him. Men are keenly aware of whether or not you respect them. You may have respected him in the beginning, but over time you may have lost respect for him.

It shows in your criticism of his thinking or his plans. Or you’re questioning of why he is doing something, or not doing something. The symptoms are all there but you might not have noticed because you just want him to be better.

2. Wanting more, better, or different.
In fairness the second one has nothing to do with you. Men and all of us are susceptible to wanting more better and different. We are not monogamous by nature. It’s a choice we make when we want to build something with someone.

The question I would ask you is what are you building? What purpose do you have together in your relationship? Every relationship has to have a purpose otherwise people in it are prone to drifting off, losing focus, and becoming distracted by others. The antidote to more, better and different is knowing your purpose and doing it together.

3. Admiration. This is something men often don’t know that they need. The reason a man cheats that has zero to do with sex is that he craves admiration. He craves someone who looks up to him, who admires his thinking, his sense of humor, his character, his production in the world. All things you might have done in the beginning. All things that have nothing to do with sex.

Men know intuitively that a woman can only fall in love and stay in love with a man when she’s looking up to. When she starts looking down the relationship is in trouble. This is why adoration is so vital to a relationship and it has zero to do with sex.

To be honest men don’t thrive on sex. They thrive on respect, purpose and admiration. In their hearts men don’t want to cheat. They will stay in relationships well beyond their expiration date. They hold out hope even when there seems to be little.

You may say I’m overly optimistic about men and maybe it’s because I am one. However I will say to you that cheating is painful for a man as well as a woman. That cheating has almost zero to do with sex and everything to do with respect, purpose and admiration.

James Allen Hanrahan is a Relationship Coach in Los Angeles. Get his FREE Chemistry to Commitment formula.

3 Real Reasons Why Men Cheat [Even When You’re His Girlfriend]
3 Reasons Why Men Cheat That Have ZERO To Do With Sex